50 Percent is Participation
by tonystarksnipples
Summary: Tony Stark is a physics professor. His grading is pretty simple: 10% is showing up to class, 20% is homework, 20% is tests and 50% is participation. Steve Rogers is a senior and an art major who ended up in Stark's class his final semester which has nothing to do with his attraction to Stark, thank you very much. At least that's what Steve tried to tell himself. College AU. Stony.
1. I don't do the whole syllabus thing

Steve Rogers was an art major, so what was he doing taking a physics course? He had filled his science and math credits when he was a sophomore, but here was, a senior, in a course he had no interest in. At all. He was fiddling with his pen, already trying to figure out mentally another course he could add after he dropped out. What has possessed him to take this class?

_Oh right. That's why_. He thought as the professor walking into the room. For three years he had been ogling professor Stark, but never was man enough to take one of his classes. He figured since it was his last semester and he'd never see the man again, it was his last chance.

"Okay. If you call me Professor, Professor Stark, or Stark, I don't give a fuck, but I'd prefer if you call me Tony. For whatever reason, you all have some issue with calling your elders by their first name, but you are adults and about to go into the real world, and you might want to get into the habit of treating people in a more informal way, because no one wants to deal with a stick-up-the-ass twenty-three year old." Then almost as an after thought. "And I'm not that much your elder, so don't make me feel like a pot-bellied, gray-haired, suck up prick. Not that I'm singling out Professor Hammer, but... I'm singling him out."

The class chuckled. The rivalry between Professor Hammer and Professor Stark was legendary. Stark had graduated college when he was seventeen years old and started working at the college when he was twenty-five. He had been a weapons developer in between, but decided he was done racking up the death toll with his name on it. Hammer, too, had been in weapons development, but went bankrupted because nothing he invented ever worked. They had been competitors then, and when Hammer joined the faculty, the rivalry followed them here. Stark's classes always filled up immediately. Hammer was lucky to get a half roster. It was actually very funny that Hammer kept trying, but also kind of sad.

"_Anyway_, I don't do that syllabus shit, because in all of my years of schooling and teaching, I have never once found a class that followed the syllabus throughout the semester. _So_, here's how I grade." He took a marker and drew on the white board behind him. "Ten percent of your grade is showing up. This class is fast paced and difficult. If you want to take the easy route, I happen to know someone two rooms over who would be happy to have another few students to attempt to teach." Another chuckle ran through the class. Steve wasn't laughing exactly, but there was a small smile tugging on the corners of his lips. "Twenty percent is doing your homework. I don't give a lot of that because you all have enough on your plates as it is. Just because I was done with the whole schooling thing at an age before any of you started filling out your college applications, does not mean that I don't know what it's like. You have other classes and lives and jobs and you have to be free every Tuesday night from 9 to 10 for _Supernatural_." Steve was actually smiling now. "What little homework I give you, I expect you to do. I do grade on if it is right, but I also grade on effort. Now, fifty percent is class participation. I actually take this seriously. I keep track. If you don't participate, you can easily fail the class. Participating is the best way for me to know that you're learning. You can cheat on homework and you can cheat on tests, but you can't cheat on a question I ask you on a subject that we learned five minutes before. I do grade on the correctness of these questions, but again, effort. Finally, twenty percent is tests. I don't need to get into the details of what those are."

He put the marker down. On the board were just numbers. 10%, 20%, 50%, 20%. What these numbers symbolized was not on the board.

"So. What does the fifty percent symbolize and what does it mean?" The class gave each other nervous looks. "Ah, the beginners nerves. We'll soon get over those. But really, there's no shame in raising your hand and answering the question. You get to start out with a higher grade before the class even starts." No hands went up. "Fine, if we have to do it the hard way." He picked up the class roster and looked down the list of names. "Rogers. What is fifty percent of your grade?"

It took Steve a moment before he realized that he was being called on. "Oh, um..." he looked down at the paper where he had taken notes, even though he hadn't needed to. He knew the answer. He felt like a fool. "Fifty percent of our grade is class participation."

"Good, good. And how do I judge that, Mr. Rogers?"

"You keep track. Very carefully."

"And why?"

"Because we can cheat on tests and we can cheat on homework, but we can't cheat on something you taught us five minutes before."

"And finally, what do I grade you on exactly with this class participation?"

"You grade on correctness, but you care about effort."

"Exactly. In this class I care about effort more than I care about anything else. Of course I want you to learn, but I long ago realized that not everyone is a genius like myself and not everyone can absorb things as quickly as I can. That is not to be demeaning in any way. I do want you all to learn, that's what teachers do, but I care more about the process. Any questions?" Everyone in the class shook their head no. Stark smiled. "Well then that's all for the day. I'll see you all Monday." Everyone shuffled to get up. "Hold up!" Tony said. He loved to tease his kids, especially on the first day of classes. "You have homework." Everyone groaned. Oh how he loved this. "I was once a very public figure with a very huge reputation. You are to take to the internet and find one fun fact about me. I don't care explicit, but be ready to share it with the class. Bonus points if you get someone, besides yourself, to blush when you say it."

The professor said goodbye to everyone on their way out of the classroom, calling them all by name. Steve thought it was really cool how he had made the effort to learn his students' names before class started. He never had a professor that did that. Steve was the last to leave the room. If he hadn't known better, he would have thought that the professor was staring at him differently than the rest of the class. That was just his mind going wild. Since Steve had only ever seen him in passing, he would never have guessed how intriguing his voice was. He especially couldn't have guessed what it was like to be looked at him. "Good work today, Rogers."

"Thank you, sir." To hide the blush that was on Steve's face, he ducked his head and turned out the door.

Tony stared after him, watching him run down the hall. When Steve finally turned a corner and Tony could no longer see him, he sighed, shut the door, and returned to his desk.

He had seen Steve in the halls before. Had hoped he would take class with him for three and a half years. He had never heard him speak before. His voice was deeper than he would have expected, even though he was six foot two and jacked. He had hoped no one would answer his question so he could call on Steve. He hadn't needed to look at that piece of paper to know Rogers was in the class. It had been burning in his brain since he first got the class roster emailed to him.

With the way Steve made him feel, he knew this was going to be a long semester.

* * *

"So how was your first day with Tony?" Bucky asked Steve. The two had hit it off freshman year, and had roomed together ever since. This year, they rented an apartment so they could play music as loud as they wanted to, and Bucky could smoke weed in bed without having to open the window in the dead of winter. However, over the past few months, Bucky had been pissing him off and treating Steve like shit, and Steve was kind of done with it. But he loved Bucky, they were best friends, and he had long ago come to terms that it was just how his friend was.

"Who?" Steve asked, momentarily confused. Then he felt stupid. "Oh. Professor Stark. Um... he seems decent enough." Lies. All lies. Professor Stark was probably the greatest professor ever. "He's as fast paced and crazy as you said he'd be."

"Oh Steven, Steven, Steven. You can't even begin to understand the crazy until you actually start to learn. But we both know that's not what I'm interested in. I'm not an idiot, I've seen you stare at him since you got here. Is he living up to your expectations?" Bucky winked.

"Uh..."

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Fuck off."

Bucky smiled knowingly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think there is a blonde chick with a nice rack calling my name."

"Who?" Steve asked.

"I don't know, but it's a big city and a Friday night."

Bucky left without another word.

* * *

"How as your day sweetheart?" Pepper asked the second Tony walked in the door. She walked up to him and pulled him to the couch. She sat him down and began to give his shoulders and neck a massage.

"Students sticking pencils up their noses like they're ten, a girl in the front row batting her eye lashes at me, same old same old. You?"

"My day was fine enough. I went to the store-"

And then Tony stopped listening. He used to think he was in love with Pepper. A few months ago he even though about asking her to marry him, but the idea of being with her for the rest of his life made him realize that he didn't love her. He knew it was horrible to string her along, but he didn't have the heart to tell her. He held onto the hope that he would eventually fall in love with her like he was supposed to.

He was tuned in to the conversation enough that he could nod at the right moments. Luckily, Pepper hated to be interrupted when she spoke, so Tony didn't have to worry about creating responses.

* * *

The walls of the apartment were thin, leaving little up to the imagination about what happening in Bucky's room. He followed through on his promise, and there was a blonde with a nice rack hanging on his arm when he came home drunk off his ass. Steve just sighed and retreated to his room, even though he knew it was the worst place in apartment to go during these situations.

Regardless, he always found himself sitting on his bed, the music blasting through his headphones as loud as it would go, but still unable to drown out the sounds of what was happening in the room next to his. He just stayed quiet and waited for it to be over.

* * *

Tony liked sex. He'd always liked sex and he always will like sex. He was well versed in one night stands, booty calls, and empty meaningless sex. He'd done it all and he'd liked it all. He had no regrets about his sex life. Except recently.

Sex with Pepper wasn't the same since he realized he didn't love her like he once thought he did. It was weird to him because he had no problem with not being emotionally attached to whoever was in bed with him. He figured it probably had something to do with the fact that Pepper was still in love with him.

Over the past few weeks he had gone from not finding sex enjoyable to actually disliking it. At least with Pepper. It was against him to cheat, but he was starting to get worried that he was turned off to it for the rest of forever. The thought terrified him. But, of course, he kept sleeping with Pepper because if he stopped, she would know something was wrong, and he wasn't in the mood to deal with that.

He was thinking about all of this while he was _actually having sex_ with her, which was a red flag if there ever was one. He tried to convince himself he was enjoying it. It wasn't working. He just stayed quiet and waited for it to be over.


	2. Even fewer have seen it

"Okay, welcome to our first real class," Tony smiled wryly. "I had a piss ass weekend, so I'm looking forward to what you all found out about me." It was true. Pepper had some mysteriously heightened sex drive and had spent most of the weekend on Tony. Tony cringed at the memory. A weekend of non-stop sex used to be the norm and he used to _love_ it. Now he _tolerated_ it. "Who's first?"

The desks had been arranged in a circle. Tony had placed himself directly across from Steve. _It's a coincidence_ Tony screamed at himself via his thoughts. _He is twenty three years old. You do not want him._ No matter how much he repeated it, he was never going to believe it.

A kid with a splash of blonde hair that looked quite a bit like Steve raised his hand. "Mr. Evans. You're a brave man. What do you have to share about me?"

"Chris, and um, actually, I have a question."

"Okay. What?"

"If you request we call you Tony, why do you call us by our last names?"

"You have to earn my respect and trust before I call you by your first name. You don't have to call me Tony, but I leave the option out there. Now, since you were the first to raise your hand, even for that unnecessary question, you get to go first."

"Oh, um... okay. So I found that in 2007 you went twelve for twelve with the Maxim cover models."

Tony smirked. "Ah yes. Very good. However, it's not entirely true. Does anyone know what actually happened?"

The kid with long, black, slicked back hair raised his hand. Tony groaned. "Seeing as you have taken classes with me for three years Mr. Laufyson, I would assume you know the answer. Would you like to share with the class?" Loki Laufyson had been a pain in Tony's ass since he was a freshman. The kid was unfairly clever and smart, cunning and mysterious, and, if Tony was being honest with himself, the kid was devilishly handsome. He was everything Tony looked for in a student, but this mother fucker seemed to have some sort of vendetta against the world.

"It'll be my pleasure, Anthony." His smile was equally stunning and creepy. "Now, Christopher, you were close. Anthony had a conflict with the March model, but the Christmas cover was twins. So twelve women, yes. But there were technically thirteen that year." Loki turned to Tony. "Is that correct, Anthony?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "You know damn well it is. Now... who's next? That one's kind of boring. Any one else got something juicier?"

"You were a superhero!" Some kid named Robert shouted out.

Tony threw his head back in laughter. "That would be outrageous and... fantastic. But false. _However_, you did find a rumor, so it counts. C'mon. This is fun! Who's got the best dirt on their dear old professor here?"

One after another, the students raised their hands to share their facts. As the night went on, people were more willing to offer up their answers. Tony laughed through the whole thing, correcting the fallacies. This was by far his favorite day of the semester. Some of the other professors thought he did it because he was an egotist and wanted the kids to research him. But the fact was, he wanted to prove to his students that he was a far from perfect person who fucked up a lot throughout his life. That he was human. Sexual exploits, accidental explosions, drinking and drugs. It was all on the table.

Even though the room was filled with laughter and banter, Tony was keenly aware that Steve hadn't said a word.

"Okay. We're running out of time here. The only one who hasn't gone is Mr. Rogers. So, welcome us to your neighborhood and share what you've found."

Steve hesitated and bit his lip. "I read that you have a cavity in your chest. There is an electromagnet inside of it that keeps your heart beating." Everyone was silent. Tony stared at Steve with a look Steve couldn't quite decipher, but he knew it was intense. "It said that you'd die without it."

"Class dismissed." Tony's gaze didn't stray from Steve. "Rogers. You stay."

The students leaving looked back at Steve with pity. Loki just raised an eyebrow, an indecipherable smirk on his face. When the last of the students was out the door, Tony got up and closed it behind them. There was utter silence in the room as Tony once again stared at Steve.

"Um... sir? Am I in trouble?"

"No. I'm just curious as to where you got your information."

"So... it's true?"

"I've had it for five years and not a single person has ever dug up that fact. I've even scoured the internet for it, so I know exactly how hard it is to find that information. My question _is_, with all of the other shit floating around, why did you chose that?"

"I, uh, figured there was so much out there about your, um, _activities_, I thought I should come up with something a little more unique."

Tony smirked. "Unique it was. Very few people are privy to the information you either dug to find or stumbled upon, and fewer people have seen it, and fewer still know if it's true or not. In fact, there are a grand total of two. Now do you know why I have it?"

"No, sir." Steve didn't know why, but he felt as if he had stumbled across something deeply private. Something he shouldn't know. But Tony seemed fine with it.

"Well, I'm pretty smart. In fact, and this isn't to brag, I'm a genius. Not in a sarcastic way, or a spur of the moment realization of _you're a genius_! This is proven fact. I have traveled the world, doing research, honing my craft. In 2008 I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. There is a cluster of shrapnel trying to crawl its way into my heart." Tony reached up under his shirt. There was a click. "This stops it." He pulled out a glowing circle with a triangle in the middle. The blueish white light was hypnotizing. Steve couldn't take his eyes off of it.

"Should you take it out? Is it safe?"

"Not for long." Tony smirked. His breathing got shallow and he reached up inside of his shirt. He centered it, then used his free hand to slap his chest to lock it in place. He took a deep breath. "It's called an arc reactor."

"Did you invent it?"

"Yup."

"Are you every afraid it'll malfunction?"

"It has. Almost killed me once. But, like I said, I'm a genius. I figured it out. With some... um... help." Steve was smart enough to pick up on Tony's tone and not press the subject.

"Are there other people? That have them?"

"No. And no one is going to. So few people know about it, there's not even a threat of people trying to steal it. Besides, it's kind of stuck in me."

"Were you scared? When it happened?"

"You seem awfully curious about this. Did Hammer send you?" Tony asked, half teasing.

"What? NO! I'm just... it fascinates me. Anyone else would have died, but you saved yourself."

"I had help," Tony whispered.

"Excuse me."

"It's private. Do you have any other questions about it?"

Steve felt like this wasn't something he offered everyone. In fact, he felt that it was very intimate and rare. Steve knew he should probably be uncomfortable; even though he had a crush on Tony, it felt inappropriate to act on it, even in friendly conversation. But there was something so easy about this. About the way Tony talked to him "Um... a few."

"Go ahead. Ask away."

* * *

Steve eventually left, leaving Tony alone to his thoughts. He sat on his desk, his shirt unbuttoned, drumming his fingers against the arc. Rhody saw it because he was Rhody and he threatened Tony. Tony hadn't been too keen on showing him, but did anyway. He also told the Colonial everything because... well... because he was Rhody and that's what he did. Of course Pepper saw it. Of course she knew what it was. But when Tony thought about it, she had never asked questions, and if she could help it, never even looked at it.

Why had he so willingly told Steve? It hadn't felt wrong at the time. In fact, it felt like the most natural of subjects. He wasn't regretting it now, he just couldn't fathom what brought him to do it. He knew he could trust Steve, he could feel it in the very core of his being. But why?

* * *

"So today was the day you all talked about Tony's experienced dick and probably failing liver, no?" Bucky asked. He was sitting on the couch, a beer in his hand. The TV was on, but muted so as to hear the dubstep that pounded through the apartment.

"Um... yeah," Steve whispered.

"C'mon Stevie. You know I can't hear you when you whisper!" Bucky himself was shouting to be heard over the music.

"THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD TURN DOWN YOUR GODDAMN MUSIC! JUST BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE RA'S ON OUR ASSES ANYMORE DOESN'T MEAN WE DON'T HAVE NEIGHBORS!"

Bucky picked up the remote to the stereo and hit the power button. _I guess the TV wasn't on mute_ Steve mused.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

"So, what was your fact? When I was in his class, my fact was that had a threesome with the Olsen twins. He said it was false, but I still think it's true. He's just embarrassed to admit it."

"He's a pretty open book, Buck. He wouldn't have said it wasn't true if it was. In fact, he corrected some kid today about how many girls he's had in bed at once. The number was far higher than the kid originally said."

Bucky looked disappointed with his friend. _The feeling's mutual_ Steve thought. He couldn't figure it out when it had started, but Bucky had stopped being... Bucky lately. He was actually kind of a dick. Not in the sarcastic, humorous way. In the mean, hurtful way.

"Well whatever Captain Righteous, what was your fact?"

"It's... uh..." Steve didn't know if he should tell Bucky. Sure, Steve had told the class, but that was before he knew it was somewhat of a secret. Besides, Tony had neither confirmed nor denied it in front of the class, only to Steve, so he didn't think he should share. "Twelve for twelve. 2007 Maxim cover models. But really, there were thirteen that year. Christmas was twins. March didn't happen."

"Well then. Thanks for the information. I'll... keep that in mind." And then he turned up the music.


	3. It's not easy to earn my trust

Tony had a hard time accepting that his class with Steve only met twice a week. Monday and Wednesday, 7 to 9. He had spent more and more time in his office and away from Pepper. He knew it was too early in the semester to disappear without it seeming suspicious, but he was starting to care less and less. She called him constantly, like right now.

"_When are you going to come home_?" she whined.

"I don't know. I'm probably going to be working pretty late tonight." It was Thursday. His classes ended at four. But he was a smart man, and told Pepper that classes didn't end until seven, and that he had work to do after that. In reality, he was spent a lot of his time looking at the reactor in the mirror he kept in his chest, trying to figure out why it didn't disgust Steve.

"_I made dinner_."

"I brought dinner here. I have a lot to do."

"_It's the beginning to the semester_."

"I'm doing lesson plans."

"_You always do that the day before the class, depending on the material you covered the class before. You don't do lesson plans in advance_."

"I figured maybe it was time to mix up my teaching styles."

"_I'm going to come down there. We'll have dinner together and then I'll let you get back to your working_."

"That's really not necessary, Pep."

"_Yes it is. I'm grabbing the my keys now. See you in a few minutes_!"

Tony groaned and hit "end call", then scrambled to make it look like he was working. He knew exactly how long it took to get to the college and it was not enough time for him to get the room ready for Pepper. Then, like a Godsend, Steve appeared. "I know your office hours are over, professor, but I have a quest-"

Tony grabbed him by the arm. "Sit down in that seat, open that notebook, take out a pen. I'm going to draw something on the board. If anyone asks, I'm tutoring you. I'll answer your question as soon as we hear the sound of stilettos in the hallway."

Soon enough, the promised sound came and Tony sat down across from Steve. "Okay, so what's your question."

"It's actually not an educational question."

"THEN MAKE SOMETHING UP!"

"Okay... um... so I understand what this stands for, but how do I balance the equation."

"It's pretty easy. The text book does a piss poor job to explaining it, but here, look at it like- Ah! Pepper! Welcome to our study session!"

"I thought you were working on lesson plans," Pepper said, always perceptive and rightfully suspicious.

"That is true, but..." Tony fumbled for an answer.

"I'm very lost, and so Professor Stark has been helping me work through my homework in the room with him. He works on lesson plans while I work and then pauses to help me when I have questions," Steve lied, effortlessly. "I'm sorry if I am interrupting something. If you want, I can leave, professor." Tony's eyes grew wide.

"I find it highly inappropriate that you are helping a student outside of your office hours, Tony." Pepper reprimanded.

"He's a great professor. He offered us at the beginning of the semester that, if we needed tutoring, he would be willing to schedule hours that work for us. He says he doesn't trust the peer tutoring system at the school, solely because very few underclassmen take this course with him as opposed to Hammer, therefore aren't particularly apt at tutoring."

Tony tried to hide his surprise and almost failed. He and Steve had been talking a lot after class, and Tony remembered saying those words in passing. But the offer wasn't for everyone, only Steve. He had to resist throwing his arms around the boy and pulling him in, thanking him profusely. There was no way he would have been able to get out of this mess if it wasn't for Steve. He also loved how Steve didn't say anything that they hadn't directly talked about, so that Tony didn't have to remember his lies.

"Well... I suppose it's okay. I still wish you'd told me."

"I just knew you'd say that it was inappropriate. But really, Steve's just a really studious student who wants to do well. I find it admirable, which is why I'm willing to put extra time into helping him."

_Steve._ _He has never called me Steve before. Only Mr. Rogers_. The sound of Tony saying his name made him unbelievably happy. He heard Tony's voice in his head. _You have to earn my respect and trust before I call you by your first name._

"I'll leave you to your work, then." Pepper's voice was bitter. "Don't stay too late, Tony. I never see you any more."

"I'll be done as soon as I can be. See you tonight." Tony knew he was going to have to. He knew that he couldn't stay all night here talking about nothing with Steve like they did so often after class. He knew there was something wrong with that. Pepper went to kiss him, but he turned at the last minute and she ended up leaving a lipstick mark on his cheek. That made her angry, and she made that very clear as she stomped out of the room. When they could no longer hear her heels clacking down the hall, Tony turned to Steve and threw his arms around him. He was aware that _this_ was inappropriate, but he also knew that it had to be done. "Thank you so much, you saved my life." He could tell that Steve was uncomfortable, so he pulled back. "You said you had a question."

"Um, yeah. Right. I was just wondering why you had us do that exercise about finding stuff out about you. It's been bothering me for the two weeks since it happened and I just got out of a class in the other building and I knew it was a long shot that you'd be here, but I figured I'd give it a go anyway and here you are." Lies. He had taken his car here from the apartment on the blind hope that Tony would be here.

"First off, thank you for being a magical lier. Again, you saved my life. Secondly, the reason I do that is because I want you all to think of me as a person, not just a teacher. Students hate teachers. It's a rule. Usually, it's a very helpful exercise. Obviously Laufyson is disgustingly familiar with me after taking classes with me for years."

"You don't call him by his first name."

"He hasn't earned my trust." Tony grinned. "It's not easy to earn my trust. Steve."

"Um, okay. Tony."

**Author's Note:  
I'm aware that this chapter is kind of short, but I liked the ending and didn't want to draw it out. Review plz :3**


	4. A different kind of beautiful

Tony "tutored" Steve almost every day. They always had books out and something written on the board in case anyone might come in and see that they were not, in fact, working on school work. They would sit four hours and talk about anything and everything The two just enjoyed each other's company.

Steve seemed fascinated with the arc. He always had new questions about it. In the past, Tony hated talking about it. He didn't care when it came to Steve. He could tell that Steve was truly interested in what it did, how it did it, and why it did it. He wasn't interested in the gossip. He truly cared about the story behind Tony's greatest insecurity.

"Can I see it?" Steve asked. He blushed and looked down. They had been meeting for a week and a half. As soon as he said it, he felt he had overstepped some kind of boundary. He was lucky Tony even talked about it with him.

But Tony didn't seem to mind. He didn't even hesitate as he unbuttoned his shirt and moved his tie to the side. The skin around the wall was mangled. Stretched and scarred and barely even counted as skin. It seemed as if his entire chest was made of scar tissue.

"Does it hurt?"

"Only when I lie down on my back. Other than that, it's not too bad." There was a look in Steve's eyes that Tony couldn't quite decipher. However, he knew exactly what the student wanted. "You can touch it. I don't mind." He didn't, and that scared him.

Steve reached a hesitant hand up and touched the center. He expected it to be hot, to burn his finger on contact, but it was just cool metal. He ran his fingers around it, feeling every part of the glowing circle. Tony was looking down at Steve's face. The wonder in Steve's eyes was astounding. Steve went to touch the skin around it, but looked up first, asking permission with his eyes. Tony just nodded his head.

He had expected Steve's hand to be cold, but it wasn't. It was pleasantly warm. No one had ever touched it besides him. There was something strangely soothing about someone not being disgusted by it. His breathing hitched and Steve instinctively pulled back. Tony immediately missed Steve's touch, but didn't say anything. He buttoned up his shirt.

All of the sex, all of the kisses, all of the false _I love you's_ didn't hold a candle to what he just felt. It was the single most intimate moment of his life. There were a so many questions running through his head that he couldn't think to vocalize a single one of them, so he just said, "It doesn't disgust you." It wasn't a question.

"No..." Steve said hesitantly. "Why would it?"

"Because it's ugly."

"No it's not."

"Yes, it is. It's vainy and scarred. No one has ever just... looked at it before. Touched it. But you did. Why?"

"Because it's amazing. I think it's beautiful. Maybe it doesn't look great, but it is part of you. It keeps you alive. And that's beautiful in and of itself. It's just... a different kind of beautiful."

Tony just looked at Steve. He refused to believe what he was hearing. Refused to believe that anyone would accept him mangled body for what it was without turning his head away at the slightest glance. They stared at each other for so long, it began to become... not uncomfortable. That wasn't the world. But it felt as if they were breaking some sort of rule, crossing some sort of barrier. Neither wanted to stop, but Tony knew they had to. "I think you should leave. I'll... uh. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow." Steve awkwardly picked up all of his things, not putting them in any sort of order, and hurried out of the room.

* * *

When Tony got home, Pepper was already in her pajama's reading in bed.

"That Steve kid has got to be the dumbest person on the planet to need the help you are giving him. You're, what? Three weeks into the semester?"

"I'm helping him out. It's nothing."

"I know it's _nothing_. I just think it's weird. But, I don't judge. Now... are you coming to bed?" she asked seductively.

"No. I haven't eaten yet. And I don't want to keep you up, so..."

"What is wrong with you?" she shouted.

"Nothing! I'm hungry."

"What am I doing wrong?" Pepper asked. Tony grabbed her hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently.

"You are doing absolutely nothing wrong, Pepper. I'm just dealing with some shit right now and I have to figure it out alone."

She was silent for a moment. "Okay."

Tony started to get up, then turned back to her. "Can you do something for me?"

"Depends on the something," Pepper said, wary.

"Just..." Tony took off his shirt. Pepper's gaze immediately traveled past Tony's shoulder. "Can you look at it?"

"Tony, I-"

"Please?"

It was evident on her face that this was the last thing she wanted to be doing. But she did it. She only looked at it for a brief second before looking away. "Is that what you wanted?" she asked.

"Yeah," Tony sighed. "That's all I wanted." He got off and shuffled to the kitchen.

* * *

"Where do you go all the time? Do you have a lady friend that I should know about?" Bucky asked, splayed across the couch. He had a blunt in one hand and a beer in the other. This was normal Bucky these days. Steve wondered when his best friend had changed so much.

"No. There's no lady friend. I'm just working really hard. Last semester, you know?"

"Bullshit. First off, you are the smartest kid I know. You've taken the hardest classes this school has to offer and you barely even needed to study. Secondly, it is the last semester, as you said. This is the time for partying. Random hookups. This is the last few months of college, man! Our last few months of acting like complete ass holes before actually being pushed into 'the real world', whatever that is."

"Maybe I don't want partying and random hookups. I've already moved past that point in my life. Just because you are stuck in the mind of a seventeen year old-"

"Woah woah woah. Are you saying that I'm not as _mature_ as you? You are stuck in some rut, afraid to live."

"Maybe that's not what I call living!" Steve was shouting now. He felt bad, because he was always the one telling Bucky to quiet down because of the neighbors, but all of his anger was coming to the surface. All of the jackass things Bucky had been doing were suddenly coming to the surface. It was true. He wasn't the innocent boy everyone took him to be, just because he was smart and studious. Bucky knew that. Steve had reveled in the party scene in high school and the beginning of college. But he grew up. He lost interest in it somewhere along the way. That was okay with him. He didn't miss it. "Maybe I want something more out of my life."

"What's 'more', Steve? Do you want to fall in love. Start a family? What the fuck are you going on about something _more_? You're twenty-fucking-three years old."

"I don't even know right now, but I do know that I don't want what you call living. That's not me. I'm sorry Bucky, but something has changed between us. I've changed, you've changed. We've been tight for a long time and I think maybe we need to take space."

"Are you friend dumping me?"

"No! I'm just saying that I don't want to have this fight right now. Or ever. I think we should just stay out of each others' way for a little bit. We'll still stay in the apartment and we'll still exchange pleasantries, but I don't think that we are in a place to be chilling out, watching TV, and doing what we normally do. We can get back to that, but I need a break."

"You're a jerk, Steve Rogers. Some day, you're going to have to take that stick out of your ass."

Steve didn't even respond. He was already halfway out the door, anyway. He didn't want to friend dump Bucky. He loved Bucky. He was, _is_, the best friend anyone could have. But he meant what he said, he needed a break. He needed to figure things out. Things that Bucky couldn't begin to understand. Something happened when he touched the arc reactor. Something changed in him. It was the single most intimate interaction in his entire life. His last serious relationship was his freshman year with Peggy Carter. He loved her in the way only an eighteen year old can. But there wasn't any kind of deep trust between two people.

Today there was.

* * *

Tony downed his scotch in one gulp. He had long ago lost the ability to feel the burn of the alcohol on this throat. It was just the way it was. He had been in the workshop for hours, drinking and trying to forget the way Steve's hand had felt. It wasn't working. He longed for that touch again. That soft, gentile, wonderful touch that made him feel like he never had before.

He poured more scotch into his glass. At least he wasn't being his normal pig self and drinking straight out of the bottle. He looked at Dum-E, You, and Butterfingers. "Cheers," he said, raising his glass to them.


	5. So happy and so horrible all at once

Tony was hungover. He had never come to work hungover. He only drank on the weekends, and even then he didn't do it that often anymore. Some people found that hard to believe, given his origins. He fucked up a lot before he was twenty five, but it had been over a decade and people still hadn't let go of that person he once was. Sure he had still be a little man-slut, but he wasn't a drunk man-slut, and even that changed when he started dating Pepper two years ago.

Ug. Pepper.

Either way, he had just let out his first class of the day. He had a few hours before he had to get up and teach again. He didn't bother going to his office. No one else used to classroom in between then and now. He put his forehead on the desk and tried to ignore the pounding in his head.

"Anthony?"

This was the last thing he needed. "What do you want?"

"I was just wondering-"

"These are not my office hours. If you would like to make an appointment, feel free to email me or see me after class. Since you have done neither, the door is over there and I expect you to be through it before I kick your ass."

"Anthony, Anthony, Anthony." Loki Laufyson was literally the bane of Tony's existence. "I saw that you seemed to be in pain, and thought to come see that you. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Spiffy. Now go. I'll see you at six."

"As you wish."

* * *

There was something very off about Tony. Steve could see it in his eyes. The way he was squinting. And he kept holding his head. At one point he even took out a jar of ibuprofen and took it in the middle of class. After fifteen minutes of this, he finally sat on his desk and waved his hand. "I'm not feeling this whole class thing tonight. I'll see you all next Monday.

The class looked around at each other, not sure if he was being serious. It didn't take them too long to realize that he was, and they began to filter out of the classroom. Tony didn't say goodbye to each of them individually like he normally did.

As always, Steve hung back while the rest of the student's left. Tony was usually the one who got up and shut the door, but it was Steve who did it this time.

"Tony?"

"Not today."

"What?"

"I did a stupid thing and I just want to die. I'm embarrassed and angry and unable to function."

"Is everything all right. Long term, I mean?"

"What time did we wrap up last night?"

Steve blushed, remembering what happened. Then realized that he was supposed to be answering a question. "Um... seven-ish?"

"Then I started drinking at eight-ish, because my girlfriend was already in bed-ish and I didn't stop drinking until ten this morning...ish."

"_What_? Why?"

"Not today."

"Uh... okay?"

Steve was halfway out of the door when Tony spoke next. "I'm sorry."

* * *

When Tony got home, Pepper was fuming. Since he didn't have Steve to talk to, he ended up coming home right after he let his class out.

"What did you do?" she asked.

"I got drunk."

"And went to teach kids?"

"They aren't kids. Almost all of them are legal to drink on their own."

"_Why_?"

"Because they turned 21?"

"Can it Tony Snark-"

"Wow, original."

"You know that I mean _why_ did you get _drunk_?"

"Do you wanna have sex?" Tony asked. His head still hurt and he really didn't want to deal with this. He figured sex would shut her up. It usually did.

"What? _No_!"

"Are you sure?" he asked, walking up to her and kissing her. She resisted at first and then ended up melting into it. He felt so bad. She was so into kissing him, while all he could think was _Thank God she shut up_.

Almost as if reading his thoughts, she pulled away. "We are having this conversation."

"Not right now we aren't." He backed her against the wall. Her hands ran through his hair and he kissed her neck. She moaned as he kissed along her collar bone, careful not to make a mark. He didn't want to be visually reminded of what he was doing after he did it. This was so wrong. This was so, _so_ wrong.

"_Tony_," she breathed. "This isn't the time."

"It's always the time." _Tony, stop_ one half of him demanded. _You need to do this_ said the other half. He listened to the latter.

He took her hand and all but dragged her into the bedroom. Eventually she got the idea that he wasn't going to stop, but by now she didn't really mind. She pushed him back on the bed. With her knees on either side of his waist, she began to kiss him. Slowly at first, but eventually it became aggressive. Tony thought the whole back tracking was unnecessary.

Eventually he rolled over, getting on top of her. It hurt to lie down on his back. He'd told Steve that last night. _What? No. Steve? Stop. Pepper. You're kissing Pepper. Your girlfriend_.

She was giggling as she unbuttoned her shirt. Underneath there was a black, lacy bra. This was her goal all along. Tony inwardly rolled his eyes. Eventually, she was rid of all clothing aside from, oh look at that, her underwear matched. He started to unbutton his own shirt. After he got past the third button, Pepper closed her eyes and turned her head to the left.

Tony stood up. "I can't do this, Pep." He re-buttoned his shirt. "It's not fair to me and it's most definitely not fair to you."

"What?" she asked.

"This. You. Me... It's wrong. It's been wrong for a while now."

She sat up. She looked betrayed. Tony had to remind himself that _this_ was the right thing to do. He kept reminding himself that he shouldn't apologize. He didn't _need_ to apologize.

"It was gonna happen, anyway."

"It was? I thought... I thought you loved me."

"I thought I did to. And maybe at some point, I actually did. But I don't now and I don't want to keep doing this. It's not right."

Pepper looked around the room. "You're the one that dragged me here. You pulled me into bed."

Tony closed his eyes. This conversation was worse than the one about getting drunk. "I didn't know what else to do. You were yelling at me and I... I don't like being yelled at Pep. You yell at me a lot."

"I'll stop. I won't yell at you anymore. We'll just talk it out. Whatever it is. No more yelling. You and me... we'll be fine. We'll figure this out."

"It's not about you yelling at me." He rubbed his face.

"Then what is it?"

"I love you, Pepper. You're a great friend. But this isn't right. I will never love you the way you want me to. And I'm sorry."

Pepper bit her lip. "Where am I supposed to go?"

"I'll help you find an apartment. I'll even help you move in."

"And tonight?"

"I'll sleep in the workshop. The couch down there isn't half bad. Hell, I've slept in it plenty of times before." The way she looked at him... "Long work binges. You know how I'm prone to those." That was a lie. Many a night he had waited for her to go to sleep before migrating down there so as not to have to look at Pepper's sleeping, smiling face. A smile he put there. A smile he didn't deserve.

"I'm sorry. You're an amazing woman Virginia Pepper Potts." He kissed her one last time before leaving the room. He never knew it was possible to feel so happy and so horrible all at once.


	6. Theoretically

"Surprise!" Bucky shouted when Steve entered the apartment. Steve was just getting back from class with Tony. The interaction afterwards had been weird to say the least. He was still trying to figure it out when Bucky's shouting stopped his train of thought.

"What did you do?" Steve looked around the apartment. It was... clean?

"Okay, so last night when we were talking I realized that I was being a total ass. You're right. I haven't done anything that resembles responsibility since ever, and I figured it was time to start. It's the Last Semester and all." Steve couldn't help the smile that crept across his face. "So, I cleaned the apartment to show you that I am willing to work on our friendship and _stop_ being a total douche."

"Oh Buck, you were never a _total_ douche."

"You mean that?"

"No, but I figured I'd be nice because you're being nice." Steve smiled again. He knew the old Bucky was still in there. Not that cleaning was the real Bucky, but the Bucky that teased him in a non malicious way. The Bucky that would do anything to fight for their friendship.

"Ass hat."

"Dick wad."

"C'mere." He embraced Steve in a hug. He was so deliriously happy, he almost forgot about Tony and whatever happened tonight.

Almost.

* * *

_Hello all,_

_I regret to inform you that our classes for today have been canceled for personal reasons. I hope you understand. I will see you at our next scheduled class time. I know you all must be so broken up about it._

_-That jackass that stands in front of the class and talks to you_.

* * *

Tony sent the email. He knew that the show must go on or whatever, but he was going on two days without sleep and an angry ex-girlfriend waiting for him upstairs. The last thing he needed was to deal with a bunch of almost-adults bitching about one thing or another.

"TONY!"

And there was the angry ex-girlfriend. He took a deep sigh and headed for the stairs. He kept having to remind himself that this is what needed to be done. The was good. It was the right thing to do. It all made sense until he saw her.

She hadn't put clothes on... but she was now wearing heels. He cringed. He knew what she could do with those heels. He had literally never been more terrified in his life, and he had been held captive in a cave in Afghanistan for three months. "So, Pep. How's it going?" he tried to distract her wrath.

"_Don't_," she hissed, "call me _Pep_."

"Duly noted. So _Pepper_, how about that house hunt? You ready for a day of exploring?"

"We are _not_ breaking up."

"Um... yes we are."

"No. We. Are. _Not_."

"Okay, Pepper. I get it that you're mad, but this is the right thing to do. I don't want to keep lying to you. I don't love you. I'm sorry, but that's the harsh tru-"

She took off a heel and took aim. Tony managed to dive behind a couch before it hit him. Amazingly enough, the heel broke through the exterior of the couch and was sticking out, surrounded by fluff. "You do love me, but you're blind. How you could not love me. I'm amazing!" she threw the next shoe. This one he couldn't avoid, but he managed to escape with minimal damage: nothing but a ripped shirt. He called that endeavor a success.

"I think one of the things we talked about last night is that you yell at me too much."

"Yeah, well listen here, I won't stop yelling at you until you realize that you're an _idiot_ and get back together with me."

"I don't want to get back together with you!"

"_WHY_?"

"Because you a venom spitting bitch. Because our entire relationship has been spent with you yelling at me and bossing me around and throwing fucking SHOES at me. You do realize that counts as domestic abuse, right? But I won't call you on it if you _leave me alone_ and _never come back_. "

"Oh, Tony. I'm so sorry that you can't see that this is wrong. I apologize for this momentary lack of judgment. I'll just take the card and stay at a hotel for a bit while you realize your mistake."

"What the fuck, Pepper? I'm not giving you my credit card. I'm not making a mistake, and I would appreciate it if you got dressed and left. Or don't get dressed. I don't care. But get out of my house. I will _not_ be helping you move. I'm going to go to work. When I get home tonight, I expect you to be moved out."

He found great pleasure in the look on Pepper's face when he jogged down to the garage to leave. When he was down with his cars, he realized that he had no where to go. He had canceled classes, thinking he was going to be helping a calm and rational Pepper find an apartment. However, that wasn't going to happen, so now he had to figure out what to do with his day.

There was a new number in his phone. It had been put in there last week. He had never intended to use it. However, there he was scrolling through his contacts. He stopping on it. _Steve_. He was a well known man. Had a lot of contacts in his phone. Everyone was sorted as a firsty-lasty. Even Pepper Potts. But not Steve. Steve was just... Steve.

He opened a new message.

_What times are your classes today?_

His finger hovered over "send". Was this a new level of inappropriate? Should a professor text his students about a personal matter? Should a professor text his students at all? No, and no. But then again, a professor shouldn't be letting a student touch the giant gaping hole in his chest, either

He hit send.

* * *

"Steve! Your phone's going off!" Bucky shouted. They had been sprawled across the couches in the living room watching _Die Hard_ for the billionth time. Steve didn't care for it, and Bucky only liked it because it was a "guy" movie, but they watched it all the time anyway. Steve had gone into the kitchen to get snacks, and left his phone on the coffee table.

"No need to shout, I'm right here," Steve said, walking into the room. There was an entire bag of Cheetos in a bowl.

"Why dirty the bowl?"

Steve looked at it. "Seemed like a good idea at the time." He put it between them and picked up his phone.

_What times are your classes today?_

Steve had to blink twice to see that the text did, in fact, come from Tony. When he was one hundred percent sure, he wrote back. _Only had one. 8am._

_What are you doing now?_

_Nothing much. Eating Cheetos._

_Sounds nutritious._

Steve smiled at his phone._ You know it_.

_The reason I asked in the first place is because I was wondering if you were interested in going to lunch. Nothing different from what we usually do, but I called in a personal day, but felt bad for blowing you off last night._

_You don't have to feel bad._

_It's not just that. I want to talk to you._

_Um... okay. Nowhere in town though. That might look weird._

_There's a pizza place called Frizelli's a few towns over. Google it and it'll give you instructions._

_Sounds good. Do you wanna meet up now?_

_Whenever's fine for you._

_Okay then. Now. Whoever gets there first will get the table. Sound good?_

_Sounds good. See you in a few_.

"Well, I'm out." Steve got up off the couch.

"But it's getting to the best part!" Bucky protested. "And I thought we were working on rekindling our friendship, here."

Steve shifted from one foot to another. "I uh... someone wants to meet me."

"SO THERE IS A LADY FRIEND! I KNEW IT!"  
"Uh... yeah. There is a lady friend. Her name is... uh... Natalie. Natalie Rushman." There was a girl in Tony's class with that name. It was the first person he could think of. He hoped that Bucky had never met her and/or talked to her.

"So you even know her last name! That's big stuff. Go. Keep love alive. Don't let me get in your way."

Steve gave the most awkward half smile he could muster, increasingly uncomfortable with Bucky referring to his and Tony's relationship as _love_.

* * *

Tony was halfway to Frizzeli's. Was this a really bad idea? Should he have even texted Steve? Steve seemed perfectly fine with the idea. Texted him back immediately. That had to mean something, right? But what if it didn't? What if just meant that Steve didn't want to not talk to his professor. But Steve wouldn't come out to lunch with him if he didn't want to. No. He wouldn't. _Everything's under control, Tony_. _Don't overthink it._

He sped all the way to the parlor and realized he had gotten there way too early. Steve didn't even know where this place _was_. But it was a pretty big deal, so he shouldn't have any trouble finding it. However, he didn't want to seem too eager, so he sat in his car with the tinted widows rolled up.

* * *

Steve had sped the entire way to the pizza parlor. He was familiar with the restaurant, so he didn't need to Google it, and he didn't get lost. However, he didn't feel like seeming over eager, so he sat in his car for a bit. Eventually he pulled out his phone.

_How far out are you?_

It was a long time before he got a text back from Tony. _I just got here_.

Steve looked out the window. There Tony was, getting out of a car that had been there when Steve got there. _I did, too. I see you getting out of your car. Meet you inside_.

* * *

_I did, too. I see you getting out of your car. Meet you inside_. Tony looked up from his phone and spun around in circles, trying to locate Steve. When he saw him, he started to walk toward the other man, but then realized that he was in the opposite direction of the restaurant. He turned on his heel and walked back towards the door. Steve jogged to catch up with him.

"Hey," Steve greeted.

"Hey." He was trying to be nonchalant but something about seeing Steve outside of the classroom was... doing something to him. It wasn't arousal, exactly, but it felt... even his mind couldn't come up with a word other than _different_.

"I've, uh... I've actually been here before. The pizza's good."

"Yeah. It is."

Tony got to the door first, but Steve reached around him to hold it open. It was an awkward encounter, but they both decided to ignore it and move on.

"Two?" the woman asked.

"Yes."

"This way." She grabbed two menus and moved toward the back. She put the menus on the table and told them that their waiter would be right with them. They said thank you.

When they went to sit down, they both moved to the chair on the left. When they realized it, they both went to the chair on the right. After doing a little dance, Tony ended up on the left, Steve on the right.

After looking at the menu for approximately 2.5 seconds, Tony lowered it to look at Steve. "What are your opinions on pineapple pizza?"

"A gift from God. I find it atrocious that people think it is anything but."

"Good man. Pepper never would eat pineapple pizza. It was always pepperoni." At the mention of her name, the morning came flooding back to him. _Goddamnit. Why'd you have to bring her up_. He cleared his throat. "I can't stand the stuff, myself. So, you wanna split a pineapple?"

Steve was too busy staring at Tony's mouth moving over the words to respond. Eventually, his own mouth caught up with his brain. "Sounds yes good yes."

"Eloquent." Tony's face and tone were dead serious and Steve worked his hardest not to blush. For the first time he was overly aware of his status as Tony's student. "Don't blush, Rogers. I was kidding." He smiled.

"I knew that."

"Sure ya did."

"Hello, my name is-"

"Ah yes, we can read your name-tag, Katie," Tony joked at the waitress. She looked unsure if she should laugh or be offended.

"He thinks he's funnier than he is. You learn to live with it." Where did that come from? He didn't live with Tony or any of his idiosyncrasies. He talked to the man everyday, but it was only for a few hours at most.

Tony didn't so much as bat an eye. "_Anyway_, I was about to say that I would like a Coke and Steve here would like a water." Steve remembered mentioning to Tony once that he always ordered water at restaurants, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out why that fact had remained with Tony. "And we will be splitting a large pineapple pizza, extra pineapple."

"Sounds alright, sir. But is Pepsi okay instead of Coke?"

"Is us eating and not paying for our food okay?" Tony asked. Again the waitress didn't know how she should react to Tony.

"Yes. Pepsi is fine," Steve once again answered. Tony gave him a _look_. Steve wasn't sure what kind of _look_ it was, but it was a _look_ nonetheless.

The waitress grabbed the menus and hurried off, thankful to be away from the two strange men bickering over their sodas.

"So," the corner of Tony's mouth moved into a cocky half smile. "You learn to live with the fact that I think I'm funnier than I am?" Steve had hoped that had gone unnoticed but apparently he had no such luck. "I'll have you know that I am plenty funny."

"That girl looked like she was going to cry. You _scared_ her. You can't scare your waitress."

"Apparently you can."

"Well then, you _shouldn't_ scare your waitress. It's rude."

She- Katie- came back with the drinks and put them on the table. "Um, can I ask you a question?" she asked Tony.

"I'm an open book, darlin'."

"Are you Tony Stark?"

Steve couldn't tell if Tony was happy about being recognized or embarrassed. There was a cocky grin on his face, but there was nothing behind it. For some reason, Steve could tell right off the bat.

"Why yes I am."

"Can I have your autograph?"

"I only sign in sharpie on paper. No pens, no phones, no skin. If you provide these things to me, I would be happy to do so, otherwise, just stick to bringing us our pizza."

She looked wounded. Then her expression changed and she darted away.

"Well that was rude."

"No, that's my policy. Do you know how many things have been shoved in my face over the years to sign. I had to find a way to keep it at bay. Back in the old days, it was a widely known fact, and people approached with paper and sharpies. Since parts of me have been out of the spotlight for a while my methods are not as clear to the public. However, I can't go back to hey you brought paper and a sharpie."

Steve was confused for a minute before he realized that Katie had returned. He uncapped the sharpie with his teeth, wrote his name, and then capped the sharpie and handed it back to her. Steve saw the signature he had written. He knew that most celebrities just kind of squiggled something on the paper, but anyone could clearly read that it said _Tony Stark_.

"Thank you." She started to walk away, but Tony called after her.

"Katie!" she turned around, excited to come back. "How'd you figure it out? You didn't seem to have any clue when we first came in."

"Oh, well. One of the other waitresses has a class with you. You're a professor at the college a few towns over, right? Natalie-"

"Rushman?" Steve asked, panicked. Katie nodded and then left the table. "Tony. You do realize that she is the class I am in, correct?"

"Yes. I am well aware of that. Thanks for pointing it out."

"What do we do?"

"What do you mean?"

"We're out to lunch. Just the two of us. It kind of looks like a date."

Tony was taken aback. He realized that he would be very happy if this was a date. He had almost tricked himself into believing that it was. He never thought Steve would see it that way. But then he realized that Steve was only thinking about what it looked like from an outsider's perspective. "Well," he said finally. "It is _not_ a date. We are two men who are at a pizza restaurant. I just happen to be a professor and you just happen to be my student. Not a big deal."

"This sounds like a porno."

"You are over thinking this." He looked over to see Natalie walking away from her table. She walked to the kiosk where she rang in the order, and typed out what the people had asked for. When she was done, she leaned against the counter. "Natalie!" Tony shouted. He threw up his hand in what could only be defined as _come over here_ wave. She looked confused, but came over all the same.

"Hello Professor. Steve?"

"Natalie." Steve didn't look up. He was too busy staring at a dent in the table and _not_ looking at her.

"Steve and I came here to discuss what happened in class on Monday. He was not there and needed some catching up. Besides, I have been helping him with his work in the class because you know I don't trust the tutoring system at the school. However, since I declared a personal day earlier this morning, it would have been inappropriate to have him come to office hours. I just wanted to clear that up. In case you were wondering why we were here. Together. At a place of eating. It's not a date."

"I... didn't think it was."

"Well good to know. Just wanted to make sure you didn't think anything of it."

She was silent for a minute. "Okay professor. See you Monday. Steve."

"See you Natalie." She walked away, looking over her shoulder at them. When she was clearly out of hearing range, Steve finally spoke. "_What_ was that?"

"A kind interaction."

"Did you know that it takes longer to lie than it does to tell the truth. You practically gave a dissertation about what we were doing here. You made it look suspicious."

"YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAID IT LOOKED LIKE WE WERE ON A DATE!" Tony whisper screamed.

"But we aren't, and that's the important thing."

Steve brought his glass to his lips and sipped. Tony just used his straw to poke at the ice in his glass.

"Would you not wanna go on a date with me? Theoretically."

"I don't see how it would matter. You're dating Pepper."

"No, as of last night."

"I'm very sorry to hear that."

"It was inevitable. I mean... you had to know. You're the one who saved my ass that night when she decided to come join me for dinner."

"I knew something was up, but it wasn't my place to ask. You're my professor."

"Is that all I am to you?"

"Uh..."

"Because you're more than just a student to me. You're a friend. I don't have a lot of those, but you're one of them."

"Thanks. I think of you as a friend, too."

"Good to know." Another few moments of awkward silence passed. Or was it minutes. It seemed like forever. "But theoretically..."

"Yes. Theoretically."


	7. THE line

"So... that was fun." They were standing outside the door of the restaurant. Tony was leaning against the wall and Steve was standing across from him.

"Yeah. We should... do it again. Theoretically." Steve looped his thumbs through his belt loops and leaned back on his heels. It had become clear that the whole teacher/student thing had been shot to hell. They were actually _friends_.

"Yes. Yes. Theoretically. Good word." There was a small smile on Tony's face. After a few seconds of silence. "Look through the windows. Can you see Natalie anywhere?"

"No."

"Good."

Steve didn't even get a chance to question why that was "good" because before he could even process the thought, Tony's lips were on his, his hands cupping his face. Steve's eyes opened wide in surprise before they drooped closed. This was everything he had been wanting for _years_. And here it was happening. He didn't bother to question if it was a dream. He had dreamt this moment a thousand times, and never once had it felt this amazing.

Tony was pulling away much too soon. Steve found himself leaning forward, trying to follow Tony's lips. When he realized what he was doing, he snapped back from embarrassment. Tony looked panicked. Of all the other lines they had crossed, this was _THE_ line. "Monday uh see class you." He ran to his car and faster than Steve thought possible. He peeled out of the parking lot.

Steve followed the car with his eyes. When Tony was gone from sight, he licked his lips. Trying to bring back the taste of Tony. Wow. He turned and looked back into the windows, hoping Natasha hadn't seen anything. He then realized that there was a section of time his eyes had been closed, so there was no telling who had or hadn't seen.

"Fuck it," he muttered as he walked to his car and got in.

* * *

Stupid man. He was a stupid man. There was a oncoming truck. At this speed he could make it look like an accident... he began to drift into the other lane, then realized that maybe killing himself would be a bit of an overreaction. He swerved back onto his side of the road just in time. He almost crashed into another person. To get away from the almost accident, he floored the gas pedal. He was pushing 90 when his saw the colors of America flashing behind him.

"FUCK!" he screamed and slammed on the horn. He could out-run the cop, but figured it was best not to. He pulled over and got his wallet out of his pocket.

The cop knocked on his window and he rolled it down. "Do you know how fast you were-" Tony held his license up for the cop to see that he was, in fact, Tony Stark. "I don't know how many speeding tickets you've gotten out of with that trick, but all it's telling me is that you can pay double the normal fine. You almost caused two accidents, then drove at a reckless 94 miles per hour. I could arrest you, but I'm not going to because I don't feel like going through the trouble."

Tony had tuned out around _with that trick_. He knew that he was going to be slammed with tickets. It was never about getting out of them. He didn't get pulled over often, but when he did he always made sure to pay double, if not triple, the fine. He had more money than he knew what to do with, so why the fuck not?

* * *

"Poor bastard," Steve commented as he saw a car pulled over to the side of the road. He did a double take and almost drifted into another lane. That was Tony's car. _None of your business Rogers_. He told himself. He turned his eyes back to the road. That's when he started talking to himself.

"Okay, so Tony kissed me. He _kissed_ me._ He_ kissed _me._ So that means that he wanted to. But that also means that there's no going back. Is there? No, there can't be. This _has_ to mean something. He fucking kissed me!" He leaned on his horn. "What am I gonna tell Bucky? That I just kissed my fucking teacher? Oh God, he still things Natasha is my girl. Fuck, what happens if he asks to meet her. I'm so not ready for this in my life. Fuck! Fuck! FUUUUUUK!" He slammed the horn with every _fuck_ then leaned on it for the last one.

He couldn't stand to hear himself any more, so he flicked on the radio and turned it on as loud as it would go. It hurt his ears and was incredibly uncomfortable, but as he sang along with the words at the top of his lungs (even though he didn't know all of them), he was able to drown out his own thoughts, and that's all he wanted.

* * *

Tony couldn't figure out why he expected any differently. His house was _trashed_. Not messy. Not a few broken things. No, it was absolutely destroyed. He walked around trying to find one piece of furniture that hadn't been slashed open, or had its legs snapped, or was simply missing. Every plate was broken, the silverware gone. She had managed to rip the toilets out of both of the bathrooms. He thought that was bad until he got into his bedroom. The bed has been _set on fire_. There was the white foam of a fire extinguisher coating the surrounding areas. It had clearly been a very planned out act of pyrotechnics. Everything else was gone. His clothes had been dumped from their drawers and scattered along the floor. There were streaks of what he could only figure to be nail polish ground into every visible part of carpet.

None of it phased him. He was still trying to figure out why he had kissed Steve. But then he thought of his workshop and started to run. Even though he didn't make a living out of his inventions, he would go mad without them. They are what he did when he was stressed, when he was upset, when he couldn't sleep. Basically, when he wasn't in school, grading papers, sleeping, or having sex with Pepper, he was in his workshop. Now that he wasn't going to be having sex with Pepper anymore, he had that much more time for his workshop. If he even had a workshop left.

He sprinted down the stairs to find that his workshop was completely untouched. He keyed himself in and looked around. Everything was in pristine condition. He walked to his desk and slumped in his chair. That's when he saw the sticky note.

_I couldn't bring myself to do it. Sorry for the rest of the house -Pepper_

Well that was completely unexpected, and greatly appreciated.

* * *

"I want to know everything."

"What are we? Seventeen year old girls?"

"No. We are horny college seniors who get off on the others' sexual adventures. You were gone _all day_."

"We went to lunch."

"It's five thirty at night. You left at eleven this morning. Are you telling me you were at lunch _all day_?"

"It was a big pizza."

"You went to a pizza place for a date? _Lame_."

"It wasn't a date." Steve thought of Tony's bumbling attempts to convey that to Natalie. He smiled at the memory. He really wished he hadn't because it just set Bucky off.

"It was a date. If you don't tell me what happened, I'm going to fucking... I don't know, but you're going to _hate_ it."

"I feel threatened."

"You better. Please tell me you at least got to feel her up."

"Uh... we kissed." _And it was the most amazing kiss of my life. It lasted, like, five seconds. It was the best five seconds of his life. It was perfect. I want to spend the rest of my life kissing him. Different kinds of kissing. Sweet kisses like today. Rough kisses. Sexy kisses. Lazy morning kisses. _Steve's mind wandered, but he forced himself to calm down. Tony had kissed him quickly outside of a pizza place and then _ran away_. That's kind of a warning sign that he didn't want it to happen again. Let alone share _lazy morning kisses_. Steve wanted it so badly there was a physical pain in his chest from the knowledge that it would never happen.

"A _kiss_? Man, your game is weak."

"It's not like that with h...er. It's different. From anyone I've ever cared about."

"Excuse me while I got retch."

Steve wasn't even bothered by Bucky's irritating commentary. He was in love. At least he was in love with the idea of being in love. He wasn't sure exactly _what_ he was feeling, but he knew that he had never felt it before.

* * *

**Author's Note:  
Sorry it's so short :/  
Sorry about the cheese-balls ending.  
Just... sorry.  
I'll be updating soon.**


	8. Your suit of armor

Tony's fingers had been tapping at the arc reactor the entire class. Maybe it was Steve's intense paranoia that came along with Tony's presence, but he could swear that his professor was staring at him. Tony trailed off what he was saying and looked at the clock. His fingers continued to drum on the arc. They still had a half hour left. He pursed his lips as if in deep thought.

He sighed. "I'm sick of hearing myself talk. Class dismissed."

Steve didn't know if he should hang back like he always did, or if he should leave. It was the first class since Tony had kissed him, and he didn't know if it was appropriate. Obviously something had happened to make Tony run away. He should leave. Tony clearly wanted people out of the classroom. But Tony had been staring at him. Maybe he was getting everyone out so he could take to Steve?

Steve stayed back by habit and burning curiosity.

The last of the students left and Tony went up and closed the door. "I was wondering if you were going to stay."

"Why wouldn't I?" Steve lied.

"Because I'm a colossal dick. I shouldn't have… done what I did the other day. It was very inappropriate. I just had to do it once. I understand that this," he gestured between them, "is something that can't happen."

Steve couldn't stop himself. "Why not?" The words hung in the air between them. "I," Steve swallowed, "want it to." Steve couldn't read the expression on Tony's face. "Tony, I want this to happen."

"Why?"

"Uh… because I like you?" It came out sounding like a question.

"You don't sound so sure."

"No, I do. I really _really_ do. But I always figured that it was against the rules. I didn't want you to get fired-"

"It's frowned upon but they can't fire me for it," Tony said absentmindedly. He began taping at the arc. Steve had come to the conclusion that this was one of Tony's nervous habits. "So what you're saying is that you like me as more than a friend."

"Yes."

Tony's fingers kept drumming against the arc. Steve wondered if Tony even realized he was doing it. His eyes were glazed over and Steve could tell that he was deep in thought. Finally he looked at Steve. "I liked kissing you."

"I liked kissing you, too."

Tony licked his lips and took a step closer to Steve. From this angle he had to tilt his head back to look at him. Steve bend his head to look down. "May I?" Tony asked hesitantly.

"Yes."

Tony stood up on his toes to reach Steve's lips at the same time that Steve leaned down. They met in an awkward middle ground before Steve helped Tony rest back on his heels. Steve didn't know what to do with his hands. Should he put them on Tony's waist? Cup his face? Put them in his hair? He was hyper aware of everything. The feel of Tony's goatee against his face, the way Tony's hands had grabbed his, the way he was meshing their fingers together, the way Tony was innocently nipping at his bottom lip. They didn't pull away for awhile, neither willing to be the one to stop. Steve didn't want to pull away because he didn't want Tony to think he was changing his mind. Tony didn't want to pull away because it had been a long time, if ever, that a kiss felt like more than just a precursor to sex.

Inevitably, Tony pulled away. He rested his forehead on Steve's chest. "Was that weird?" He hadn't meant to whisper.

"No," Steve whispered back. "Not weird at all."

"So what do we do now?"

"I don't know."

"Well, we really need to talk about it." Tony stepped back. "Let's go to my office."

"We never go to your office."

"My office door has a lock."

"You mean you want to-?"

"No, no. Nothing like that. I want to talk about this without the paranoia of someone walking in."

"Oh. Okay." Steve was relieved. As much as he liked and cared about Tony, there was no way he was prepared for something like _that_ to happen.

Tony opened the door for Steve and waved him through. Steve had been to Tony's office a few times, but it had been awhile. He was pretty sure he knew the way, but he waited for Tony to lead him down the hall. They walked at a safe distance from each other. If anyone saw them, they wouldn't think they were heading somewhere together.

Tony unlocked the door to his office and once again held it open for Steve. Steve nodded his head in appreciation. He dutifully took the seat across from the one behind Tony's desk. Tony sat down in his chair.

"Too formal," he said, then wheeled the chair around the desk so that he was next to Steve. He leaned forward. Steve took that as his cue to do the same. "So I think it's obvious that we need to keep this between us.

"Most definitely. I don't want you to get in trouble."

"It's not that. It's just unprofessional because you are currently my student."

"Isn't it kind of unprofessional to do it at all?" There was a small smile on Steve's face.

"I'm a rebel." Tony leaned forward and pressed his lips to Steve's. There was something so innocent about the way Steve kissed, and that was okay with Tony. Innocence was one of the things that drew him to Steve in the first place. "I like the way you kiss. So innocent. So tender."

"Thank you?"

"It's a compliment."

"Thank you." Steve leaned forward and pecked Tony on the lips.

Tony leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms above his head. "Okay, what's the catch."

"Catch?"

"This is too easy. Do you want an easy A or something?"

"_No_!"

"Because I'm not going to go easy on you." Tony realized how that sounded and corrected himself: "On your grade. I won't go easy on your grade."

"That honestly hadn't even crossed my mind."

Tony sighed. "This is too easy," he repeated. "Good things don't happen to me."

Tony was pissing Steve off. "If you're going to do this whole self deprecating thing then I don't want to deal with it. I have liked you for a long, _long_ time. You're engaging and interesting. There's something about you that's… electric. But if you're going to pity party your way through this relationship, then I don't know if I want to be a part of that."

Tony was kissing Steve again, but this time it was hungry. Desperate. Tony needed Steve. Steve tried to put every ounce of emotion into the kiss as he could, showing Tony how much he needed him, as well.

"I'll stop being a dick, okay? I promise."

"All I ask is you try."

* * *

They left Tony's office not long after that and headed to Frizzeli's. They ordered a large pineapple pizza and spent four hours picking at it, trying to make it last as long as it could.

"So, long term, what do you want to do?" Tony asked, popping a stray piece of pineapple into his mouth.

"I want to be a comic book artist. I always used to sketch comics when I was a kid. I had my own heroes and everything. I'd sell them at school for twenty-five cents and people… liked them. I realized then it was what I wanted to do with my life."

Tony thought about that for a minute. "What were some of your heroes?"

"Well…" Steve blushed.

"What?"

"There was really only one."

"Tell me about him. Or her."

"He was actually based off of you."

"_Me_? But I was… well… when you were I kid that would make me… late teens? Early twenties? The shit part of my life? Why would you make a hero out of me?"

Steve sighed. "I don't know. I didn't understand any of it. I didn't understand _why_ you were always getting shit on by the media, only that you were. I wanted to believe that you were more than that. That you were more than just an attention starved man-child. You were a hero called Iron Man. You wore a suit of armor that you invented yourself. Your armor was a symbol of the person you showed the world. You secret identity was still very… well… Tony Stark, but he wasn't _as_ Tony Stark, if that makes any sense? That wasn't your name in the comic, either. Your name was Anthony Harper. Don't even ask where I came up with that last name." Steve couldn't read the look Tony was giving him. There was a silence as Tony just stared at him. Steve felt small, like he had in high school before he had his growth spirt and started working out. It was strange how one look from a man, who was actually fairly short, could reduce him to that.

"You knew about the arc reactor before I gave that assignment out, didn't you?"

"Yes," Steve whispered.

"How?"

"I was always a fan of yours, obviously. Even when I didn't understand you, and even when you were an asshole. No offense."

"None taken."

"Then you dropped of the radar. I came to this college only to find out you were a _professor_ here. It all came back to me. I spend hours reading up, trying to find everything I could about your life now. That's when I realized…"

"What?"

"That I was right. I was right all along. You didn't have a metal suit of armor, but you did have a mask. But slowly it's disappeared, just like Anthony Harper's."

Tony was silent again. "I like your view of me. I don't know how accurate it is, but I want it to be. I want to live up to your expectations."

Steve reached across the table and grabbed Tony's hand, lacing their fingers together. "Just do your best. That'll be enough for me."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Sorry for the long wait. This chapter is so important and I wanted it to be perfect. I don't know if I'm really pleased with the way it came out, but whatever. Either way, I finally got my head out of my ass and finished it. Hope you are more pleased with it than I am.**


	9. Over the fence WorldSeries kind of stuff

Nothing much changed with the way Steve and Tony interacted with each other. Mostly Steve just stayed after class, they kissed a lot, and every once in a while they headed to Frizzeli's.

They didn't stay as long at the restaurant anymore because they realized that they weren't going to run out of time. At least not in the near future. Tony held the door open for Steve, as always. No matter what anyone said, Tony Stark was a gentleman. Steve was carrying the leftovers. Tony had money and Steve was in college. An idiot could figure out that math.

It was dark out and it was friday night and Bucky texted Steve telling him not to expect him back until tomorrow afternoon. He stopped and turned around. Tony almost walked into him. Tony looked up at Steve and smiled. "Hey there."

"Hi," Steve pecked Tony on the lips. "What are you up to tonight?"

"Well it's," Tony looked down at his watch. "Nine-thirty. It's Friday night. I just spent three hours in a pizza place with my totally-off-limits boyfriend. I'll probably go home, head to my workshop, blow things up for thirty-six hours, then crash on the couch because I still haven't bought a new bed."

"What?"

"Nothing." Tony still hadn't talked about the details of his and Pepper's breakup, but he didn't think he should. Your most recent breakup is not something you typically talk about with the person you replaced them with. _No_, Tony thought, _Steve is not a replacement._ "Anyway, this is where we part ways and I drive off at a speed that is _totally_ illegal and you watch me go with that smirk on your face and then you get in your car and go to your apartment."

"What if you came back with me?"

"Steve, I…"

"Not to sleep together. Just to… I don't know. Talk somewhere that's not a crowded pizza place and not your classroom. Somewhere I can put my arm around you while we watch a movie and play footsie under a giant blanket."

"You really are a sap."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes. I'll follow you there?"

* * *

Tony didn't remember a lot from college. He was drunk for most of it, like so many college students before him. He remembered one thing though: he always felt too young. Back then it was full-speed ahead. He had to be the first to do this, the first to do that. The only thing that mattered was becoming a good heir to the Stark Industries throne and the billions that came with it.

He walked into Steve's apartment and smiled. He did remember what college living looked like. There was a hamper in the corner by the couch, but most of the clothes were surrounding it, as if every time Steve or Bucky had something dirty, they tried to shoot it like a basketball and didn't bother to pick it up if it missed. There were dirty dishes in the kitchen and beer bottles popped up in the weirdest locations. There was a faint smell of weed, courtesy of Bucky. Steve had mentioned it once before in one of his rants about his best friend/roommate.

"Sorry. I know it's gross."

"It's perfect." And it was. "Your apartment is my new favorite thing about you." It was true. This gave Tony a whole different perspective on who Steve was. He was getting to look into Steve's life, not just hear about it.

"You're weird."

"I take pride in that." He wrapped his arms around Steve's neck and pulled him down to Tony-level. Steve kissed him back with a smile on his face. A smile Tony couldn't help but return. Steve no longer worried about where to put his hands, and he found them resting on Tony's hips. Tony liked to play with Steve's hair, and that's exactly what he was doing.

Tony _really_ loved kissing Steve. He loved playfully biting Steve's lips and the way Steve ran his tongue along Tony's teeth. He had thought about it since the first kiss and he had come to the conclusion that Steve was the only person he had ever enjoyed kissing. That's why eternally horny, playboy Tony Stark didn't force any kind of sexual advances. He was amazed that he could feel so intimate with someone without having to be _intimate_ with them. It was like the time Steve had touched the arc reactor, except better and he got to do it all the time.

"So do you want the grand tour now or later?" Steve asked. Tony pulled away so that he had enough room to look around the room.

"Your kitchen and your living room are the same thing, the bathroom is right there, and I see two closed doors which I'm assuming are the bedrooms. Grand tour over. Couch."

"If you wish." Steve picked up Tony and carried him to the brown, lumpy, too small couch that sat in the middle of the living room. Tony kicked and struggled, but Steve could tell that he wasn't putting up a real fight. Steve was strong, but he wasn't strong enough to keep a wild Tony at bay.

Steve threw him down onto the couch and then crawled on top of Tony, kissing his nose. "I'm not your bitch, Steve. You can't manhandle me like that."

"It appears that I can."

"You're a dick." Tony squirmed out from under Steve and sat up on the edge of the couch. He grabbed the remote. Not only was he willing to take it slow with Steve, he really _wanted_ to. All sex did was sink it's ugly feet into a relationship and call all the shots. Steve looked a little disappointed and hurt, but it was gone in a second.

"We have Netflix," Steve said, grabbing the remote back.

"Good man. What do you want to watch? And where's the big blanket that we're going to play footsie under."

Steve smiled and stood. Tony watched him disappear into the bedroom on the right, which he was assuming was Steve's. Steve reappeared after only seconds. He wasn't kidding. The blanket was huge. It was white and had snowflakes all over it. From the looks of it, it was soft as all hell. "How many people have you cuddled under that blanket."

"You're the first. My mom got it for me for Christmas and I've been waiting for a reason to break it out."

"Well then I'm honored." Steve and Tony put their feet up on the coffee table and wrapped the blanket around them. Tony had his head resting on Steve's chest. Tony's hair was brushing against Steve's neck and there weren't words to describe how _full_ that made him feel. Steve felt like he was going to blow up he was so happy. They were perfectly situated until Tony realized, "Shit. You still have to figure out the movie. What do you want to watch?"

"_10 Things I Hate About You_."

"Oh my god, you're such a woman. But it's not available on Netflix instant stream."

"How do you know?" Steve smiled and tried to look at Tony. Tony made it easier by rolling over so he could look up at Steve.

"I know because I, too, am a woman."

"Well it just so happens that I have it on DVD. They movies are all over there," Steve pointed to a bookshelf. "I'll go make popcorn."

"No popcorn. I'm already feeling fat."

"Oh my God you _are_ a woman," Steve teased.

"Make that popcorn. Make two bags. Let's eat all the popcorn you have. Manly popcorn. With extra man in it."

"Okay then." Steve smiled and walked into the kitchen, aka moving from the carpeted portion of the room to the tile portion. Tony went to the movie shelf to scan through the movies. He couldn't stop the grin as he looked over the titles. They had a very large array of movies from chick flicks to movies that can only be called "guy movies."

_The Hangover_, _V for Vendetta_, _The Dark Knight_, _Now You See Me_, _The Shawshank Redemption_, _Back to the Future_, ah, there it was, _10 Things I Hate About You_. "Found it!" he shouted. He held up the movie over his head in triumph.

"Do you really want two manly bags of popcorn?"

"No. I was just being an ass. One bag of popcorn is enough. Thanks."

"Okay then." Steve emptied the bag into a giant red bowl and came back into the room. Tony was putting the DVD into the player. "Oh, let me help you. It's stupid and complicated."

"No need. I designed this player. And this TV actually." He grabbed the remotes and expertly switched the needed inputs.

"Stark Tech?"

"Nah. I helped a buddy out. I don't have any input to what Stark Industries does anymore. The only reason it's still _called_ Stark Industries is because the contract explicitly said that the name could never be changed."

"Ah."

"So, let's get to movie-ing."

"Yes, lets."

Tony tried not to show Steve how much he loved the movie. Oh the 90's. What a decade. Tony mused that this movie was made around the time when Tony was at the peak of ass-hole-dom and Steve was drawing Iron Man comics.

_You're just to good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you. You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much._

When Patrick began to sing to Kat, Steve started petting Tony's head. He was singing along quietly. Tony wondered if Steve realized he was doing. Tony decided to join in.

_At long last love has arrived, and I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you._

"I love you, Steve." Tony looked up at him

"What?" Steve moved, forcing Tony to sit up.

"I love you." Tony shrugged. "I've thought I've been in love enough times and I know that I've never as happy with any of them as I do with you. You make me feel… full. As if I could explode at any time just being with you. And I love you."

"That can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff, right?"

"Don't tell me you like _It Takes Two_, too."

"Oh my God I can't believe you knew where that was from! You are such a fucking woman. Oh my god. You had to be, like… just wow." Steve kissed Tony on the nose. "But yes, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff is exactly how I feel about you, too. I love you, Tony."

Tony smiled and wrapped his arms around Steve, returning his head to Steve's chest. They watched Patrick and Kat throw water balloons filled with paint at each other before he tackled her and kissed her.

They snuggled for the rest of the movie, not talking, playing footsie under the blanket. They loved each other. They had both said it. Tony knew it was true because even though they had just said those important and relationship altering words, they didn't feel the need to make out or get naked. Instead they just laid together and cuddled. When _I Want You To Want Me_ started playing, Tony sat up.

"The rare occasion in which a cover is better than the original." He yawned and stretched. "Time to head home. Tonight has been amazing." He kissed Steve then started to get up, but Steve grabbed his hips and dragged him down. Even though Tony didn't want sex right away, he had no problem with having a little bit of fun. He swung his leg over Steve's legs and sat in his lap. He began to trail kisses along Steve's jaw and down his neck. His hands trailed up and down Steve's arms. He felt Steve shudder underneath him. He smiled. Yes. This was good. Steve's hands were still on Tony's hips when Tony moved back to kiss Steve's mouth.

"Stay," Steve whispered as Tony bit at his earlobe. "Stay here tonight."

"No." Tony didn't stop.

"Why?" Steve asked as Tony played with the hem of his shirt.

"It'll just complicate things."

"Not to sleep together."

"Lift your arms," Tony instructed. Steve obeyed. Tony stared to trail kisses along Steve's chest. "You're beautiful," he mumbled against Steve's chest.

"Stay," Steve repeated.

Tony didn't answer. Instead he just took of his shirt. When he realized what he had done, he tried to cover up the arc. "Oh, I'm really sorry. Jesus."

"Tony. I've already told you. I think it's beautiful." Steve leaned forward and kissed the scar tissue around the cavity in Tony's chest. Tony felt his throat tighten. He let his head drop to Steve's shoulder. A few tears dripped down his face.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For not hating it. For pretending it doesn't bother you."

"I'm not pretending, Tony. It doesn't bother me _at all_. The opposite."

"You're the first person to see it and not think it's repulsive."

"You don't think it's repulsive, do you?"

Tony leaned back. "Of course I do. It's hideous. Both to the eye and then in concept. The only reason I'm not dead is a giant glowing hole in my chest."

"What did I tell you about self deprecating bullshit?"

"You won't tolerate it. But this isn't self deprecation." Tony got off of Steve's lap. "This is gross." He started to put his shirt on, but Steve stopped it.

"Only put on that shirt if _you_ want to. Pretend I'm not here."

Tony lowered the shirt. "Okay."

"Okay what?"

"Okay I'll stay. I want to stay here tonight, Steve." He went back to resting his head on Steve's chest. Steve ran one hand up and down Tony's back, the other circling around the arc. Every so often Steve would kiss the top of his head.

Eventually they both grew too tired to keep their eyes open. Steve stood up and grabbed Tony's hand, leading him to the bedroom. "Here's a pair of pajama pants. Sorry, they're going to be big on you."

"Mmm, don't care," Tony mumbled, his eyes half closed. He moved to Steve's bed and tried to get on it, but couldn't. "Why is you bed so far off the ground?" Tony whined.

"Oh." Steve said. He picked Tony up and placed him on the bed. "Never really noticed it. I raised it up so that I could store stuff underneath it."

"S'okay." Tony curled up in a ball. He grabbed the pillow and stuck it under his head. Steve covered him with the blankets. "Your bed smells like you."

"And how to I smell?"

"Like Steve."

Steve placed a kiss on Tony's forehead. "I'm gonna sleep on the couch."

Tony peaked open one eye. "Why?"

"Because I don't trust myself."

"I trust you."

"You over estimate my self control."

"You're so horny, Steve. I would never have pinned you down as that." Tony smiled a very tired smile. "Okay I'll see you in the morning." Steve kissed his forehead. "Love you." Tony mumbled, only half awake.

"Love you, too."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**_This_**** is the chapter that inspired this story. I had my bed really high off the ground and I had to jump to get on, but my short friend couldn't do it at all and I was like "this would be adorable as a Stony moment. Because Steve's huge and Tony's small. The rest is history.**

**Hope you enjoyed.**


	10. But you're wrong

"Why are you on the couch?" Bucky asked.

Steve sat up bolt straight. It was the third Friday night in a row that Tony had stayed the night. Steve always slept on the couch. He loved waking up to the sight of Tony walking into the room with Steve's pajama pants hanging too low on his lips as he stepped on the ends. Tony would shuffle around the kitchen, rubbing his eyes or scratching at the arc reactor, his hair sticking up in every direction.

Steve was so lost in thought that he forgot why he had woken up. He turned to Bucky. "Why are you home?"

"She was clingy. Now why are you on the couch?"

"Fell asleep watching TV."

"The TV's not on."

"Woke up in the middle of the night and turned it off."

"Then why is the remote on top of the movie shelf?"

"I—"

"Who's shirt is that."

"Mine."

"No the one next to it."

"Mine. I wore two shirts yesterday."

"You don't own an AC/DC shirt."

"It's new." Steve wasn't sure how much longer he could lie. He wished he could tell Bucky, but Tony really wanted to keep the whole deal a secret. Steve understood where he was coming from and agreed whole-heartedly. He just wished he could tell his best friend.

"I don't know what's going on that's made you all weird, but I have to pee, so…" Bucky shuffled off to the bathroom. As soon as Steve heard the bathroom door close, he saw another open. There was Tony, stumbling out Steve's room, only half awake.

"Steeeeve," he mumbled and collapsed into Steve's lap. "I love you."

"Get up," Steve whispered, ignoring Tony. He threw Tony's shirt at him.

"You're no fun." They heard the toilet flush. Tony sat up bolt straight. "Fuckin' Christ!" He pulled the shirt on as he ran. He shut the door behind him just as Bucky was coming out of the bathroom.

"Are you talking to yourself?"

"Uh… yes. Yes I am. I've lost it."

"What are you hiding from me?"

"Nothing." There was a thump from inside Steve's room. He clenched his eyes shut as Bucky looked toward the door.

"What the fuck?"

"I got a pet bunny."

"A pet bunny?"

"Yeah. He's got big floppy ears and trips over his feet all the time. He's probably just fooling around."

"That must be one huge ass bunny."

"She's huge."

"You just said it was a he."

"Well… I'm not sure yet."

Bucky creased his eyebrows together. "Can you please just tell me what's going on, Steve.

"What do you mean?"

"Stop lying to me! _What is going on_?"

"In what ways have I been lying?" Steve asked. Bucky wasn't dumb enough to think Steve had been telling the truth all along, but he figured he should find out exactly how much Bucky knew.

"Well I know you're not dating Natalie Rushman. _How do you know that, Buck?_" Bucky imitated Steve in a voice he didn't have. "I know because _I've_ been dating Natalie! For weeks before you even brought her up! I've been going to her place because I wanted to see how long you would keep lying to me—"

"Bucky, I—" Steve's mind jumped to his selfish instincts. If Bucky was dating Natalie, that meant that she had probably told him about their repeated trips to Frizelli's which meant that Bucky had known all along what was going on. Maybe.

"And you know what sucks about this whole thing? Is that _she_ knows something about what's going on with you, but she says that she wants to let you tell me on your own. So guess what, my _girlfriend_ is keeping secrets to save your ass."

* * *

Tony sat cross-legged on the other side of the door, wishing that he could see through it. He had fallen while putting on his pants. That was the sound Steve had written off as a pet bunny. He hated listening to Steve lie to his best friend but, because Tony was selfish, did nothing to stop him. The guilt threatened to suffocate him.

"_I can explain everything, but now isn't the time or place. I was going to tell you—_"

"_'Going to' means nothing. We don't keep shit from each other. We've done some stupid shit the past four years, but we have never hidden anything._"

"_What about that time—_"_ Really bad move, Steve,_ Tony thought, but how could he judge when he was staring at the door, listening to his boyfriend fight his battles for him? He disgusted himself. He still didn't get up.

"_Don't make this about me! Why is there a footstool beside your bed?_"

Tony smirked, but then it faded. He remembered coming over the week before to find it waiting for him. Steve had gone out and got bought it because he knew Tony was insecure about his height and hated Steve picking him up because of it. Ever since Day One, all Steve had done was work to make Tony comfortable, and Tony had done nothing but take advantage of it. Steve called him beautiful, didn't judge his insecurities, _lied to his best friend_. What had Tony done? Stayed at his house? Made him sleep on the couch? If Steve hadn't told him to get up and get back in the room, the next thing out of Tony's mouth was going to be _can you make pancakes._

He got to his feet and put his hand on the doorknob. It was time that he did something for Steve. He licked his lips and opened the door. Bucky saw him first, but Steve turned around seconds after.

"Well, shit."

"Tony, I—"

"I'm so sorry, Steve. I'm sorry that I'm a coward. I'm sorry that I made you lie to your best friend. And Barns… please don't blame Steve for lying. He wanted to tell you, I swear he did. But I wouldn't let him because I'm a selfish bastard. I _never_ thought it would go this far."

"Tony, you don't have to make excuses. I did what I did because I wanted to—"

"You wanted to do it for me. I thank you so much for that. But I really think it's time for me to leave. I'll see you on Monday." Tony crossed to the door.

"Professor, wait." Bucky was better to Steve than he was. Even after the fight the two just had, he was willing to call Tony back because it would make Steve happy. If Tony hated himself five minutes ago, he _loathed_ himself now.

"I have to go," Tony whispered and shut the door behind himself. He didn't walk to the stairs. Instead he just stood outside the door, trying to figure out when he had become such a horrible person. He thought he had redeemed himself from his young, reckless days. He wanted to believe that, but all he had done was change his medium. Instead of being a public asshole, he instead decided to dig his knife into the people that cared for him.

He found himself sitting in his car, still trying to figure himself out. He always thought of his sarcasm and wit as endearing, if not a little off-putting. The jokes about Hammer… the students thought he was kidding—he even thought he was kidding—but when he thought about it, he wasn't. Those horrible things he said were all things that he truly felt, so even if he said them in a comical way, he was still just being cruel. And even though he truly despised Hammer, he wasn't the only person Tony had made "jokes" about.

He was still sitting in the parking lot when his mind fell to Pepper. Things had ended badly, sure, but why had they? Because he had been an ass, only trying to accomplish his own ends. First he lied to her for months, pretending that he loved her. Then, when she confronted him on him being a jerk, he tried to sleep with her to shut her up. But he couldn't go through with it, which was a sliver of redemption. At this point, he'd hold onto a sliver and clutch it for all it was worth. But why couldn't he go through with it? Because he was in love with Steve. He would have kept manipulating her if there wasn't someone better waiting for him.

On an impulse, he picked up his phone, scrolled through his contacts, and hit _Pepper Potts_. It rang twice before she answered.

"Why are you calling me, Tony?" she asked. She sounded annoyed, but not angry.

"I wanted to apologize."

"For what?"

"For everything."

"Everything?"

"I know, that's really vague. I'm sorry. Let me start over. I'm sorry for hurting you. You can pretend that you were only mad, but I know that I hurt you. I did love you. At some point along the way, I loved you a lot. But I changed and I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you and that's why I strung you along, but in the end I just ended up hurting you more."

"Are you just apologizing to make yourself feel better?"

Tony stopped for a moment. "Yes," he whispered to himself, but the phone was still to his mouth and she heard him loud and clear.

"You're an asshole."

"I know I am."

"Do you?"

"Yes. And even though I did want to make myself feel better, I wasn't lying. I meant every word that I said to you."

"How can I believe you?"

"You can't and you shouldn't, but it's the truth and it's all I have. You're an amazing woman. You're beautiful, you're hardworking, you have killer aim with high heeled shoes—"

"Thank you." Tony could hear the smile in her voice. "For apologizing."

"You're welcome. I'm sorry for being so horrible to you."

He went to hang up the phone, but he heard her shout, "One more thing!" He brought the phone back up to his ear. "You still there?" she asked.

"I'm still here."

"You may have been horrible to me, and you may have done some horrible things, but you're _not_ a horrible person. As much as you'd like to be, you're not. For some reason you think that it's easier."

The pause that followed was so long that Tony thought she was dome. Then she said something that left Tony leveled. She said something to him that he hadn't heard in years.

"You think that, but you're wrong."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I re-wrote this chapter ****_at least_**** five times. It just wouldn't come out right.**

**I'm finally happy with it, I think...**


	11. You're a mean one, Mr Grinch

**Oh, hi. Warning. Smut. It's not in the description because I wasn't originally planning for there to _be_ any, but I thought I'd warn you now and I have changed the rating. Thanks much and enjoy.**

* * *

Now that Bucky knew, Steve and Tony didn't have to wait until Friday night to spend time outside of school together. They were still overly careful. They always left school in two cars and took different routes. Bucky and Natalie were the only people who knew. However, it was a comfortable knowing. The four had done multiple movie nights and even went on a cliche double date to Friendly's.

Then it was mid-march and therefore time for spring break. Spring break was long and torturous for Tony. When he started teaching at the university, it was a week to take a vacation somewhere tropic, sleep with a bunch of college girls, then return to classes just as sluggishly as the student body when it was over. The past few years he and Pepper had gone somewhere nice—last year they went to Florence—and spent the week eating good food and having sex in stunningly beautiful hotel rooms. This year he could do neither. Steve went home for the week (he was road tripping with a couple friends from high school; they'd planned it months ago) and Tony was left to sit alone in his penthouse with no one but the bots to keep him company.

However, everyone was returning, filing into dorms and apartments. Tony and Steve didn't see each other until Monday in class. It took a lot of will power for Tony to teach the class instead of letting them out early, but it would be highly inappropriate to do that the first day back from break.

Instead, there were two agonizing hours of both him and Steve glancing at the clock. Tony knew he was spending too much time looking at Steve during the class, but he couldn't help it. He had missed him to the point of physical pain and as soon as the second hand moved to 9:00pm he all but kicked everyone out of the classroom, not bothering to give them their homework.

Steve didn't get up from his desk, instead he stared directly at Tony as the rest of the class filed out at an agonizingly slow pace. The last one out was Loki—what kind of name was that, anyway?—who gave them an unreadable _look_, that stupid smirk of his spreading. But they couldn't be bothered to care about it because as soon as Tony shut the door and it clicked home, Steve jumped out of the desk and ran to him, wrapping his arms around him from behind. He kissed Tony's neck, but it wasn't enough. Tony managed to spin himself around, still in Steve's arms, and kiss him properly.

"I missed you," Tony gasped when they finally broke apart. "So much."

"The feeling is mutual." Steve placed a lingering kiss on Tony's jaw. "I love you."

"The feeling is mutual."

"Come back to the apartment."

"Food?"

"There's leftovers in the fridge."

"Sounds wonderful. Head over, I'll pack my things from my office, and meet you there." He placed one last kiss to Steve's lips. "I love you."

They parted ways with smiles on their faces.

* * *

Leftovers was an exaggeration—s_craps_ would have been a better work—but they didn't much care because they spent the entirely of the time on the couch, legs entwined, holding each other and kissing each other and trying to make up for a week's worth of separation in one night. At one point Bucky had emerged from his room to find them like that. His response was to grunt, grab a beer, and return to his room.

Steve had picked up Tony and brought him into his bedroom. They kept doing what they always did—shirts off, pants on—but there was something so raw, so _ready_ in the way that they moved against each other that made it apparent that things were going to change.

It was Steve who made the first move. He was under Tony so Tony didn't have to lay on his back. Steve always remembered that it was uncomfortable for Tony to lay on his back, and Tony never once had to remind him. His hands moved to Tony's belt and began to fiddle with it, trying to get it undone without stopping kissing. Eventually he figured it out and went to work on first the button and then the zipper and then he was pushing Tony's pants down his hips.

"Stop." Tony pulled back immediately. Steve's hands froze where they were, still resting on Tony's hips. "Not like this."

"Not like what?"

"I don't want us to have sex for the first time in some heat of the moment reunion."

"Tony, there are a lot of other things we can do that aren't sex." Steve fought the urge to place his hand on Tony's crotch. It was clear Tony wanted it, at least physically, so why did he stop every time Steve tried?

Tony rested his hands on top of Steve's. "I just… I want it to be special. I don't know why. If you were anyone else I would have fucked you after the first time we went to lunch."

"So then why not now? I mean… I have stuff." Steve nodded his head toward his bedside table. "Lube and condoms." Tony's eyes trailed there. Inside that little drawer there was a world of possibilities.

"Friday."

"What?"

"Friday night. We'll go back to my place. Have a nice dinner. Do it right."

"You're serious."

"Yes." He leaned forward and kissed Steve. It was intense, but quick. "I have to go."

"What? Why?"

"I have to go buy a bed."

"You _still_ don't have a bed."

"Nope."

* * *

The rest of the week was a blur. Tony went to his classes, but he can't remember what he said. He hoped it as educational. Even as he was teaching he was thinking about Steve. He had, in fact, bought a beautiful, gigantic, wonderfully overpriced bed that had been delivered and set up Wednesday morning. The only time he saw Steve that week was during Wednesday night's class, and he was unable to keep himself from staring at Steve and picturing him in the bed, so he let class go early. He needed to stop doing that. The students might say something and it might get back to administration and he might get fired. _Ha_. Tony was one of the biggest financial supporters to the school. They'd never get rid of him.

Steve hadn't lingered after class. There was an unspoken rule that they weren't going to interact before the Big Night. As soon as the last student left, he followed suit, turning off the lights and closing the door behind him.

He had played with the idea of cooking dinner—Pepper had taught him how to cook a bit and with practice he wasn't bad—but decided it was better to have someone come and make a meal for them. It was lame to order out. He hired the chef from the best Italian restaurant in town for the night to come and make them dinner.

"What do you want?"

"Surprise us."

"Give me some idea."

"Pasta. Steve loves pasta." Tony loved pasta, too, but whatever. He was thinking of Steve. Mostly.

Tony cleaned the penthouse top to bottom. He realized that he had never gotten the nail polish out of the carpet, so he had to move the bed out so that the workers could replace the carpet, then move the bed back in. Well, the workers did the moving. Tony was teaching.

Then he scrubbed down the workshop. He knew he'd be giving Steve a tour, and since that room was the most important part of the entire _building_, he figured it shouldn't look like an armpit. Friday morning, he removed the pillows and blankets from the couch and threw them in a random closet that had a bunch of other items he didn't know what to do with. He had bought all new bedding for the new bed—he didn't have a choice, the rest had been torched—but he had been saving the bed for Steve, electing to sleep on the couch.

"Now boys, you better be on your best behavior tonight," he warned the bots. They nodded their "heads" in agreement. He smiled. He loved his bots.

The entire time he was getting ready, he was talking to JARVIS. Mindless chatter, but it kept him calm. Even though he was overly ready to sleep with Steve, he was still a little nervous. First of all, he hadn't enjoyed sex in over a year and it had crossed his mind that me might be building up what sleeping with Steve was going to be like to unrealistic proportions. He had to keep reminding himself that it wasn't so much about the _sex_ as it was about _Steve_.

It was too weird to think that they was his life. Sex not being about sex? He thought of Oscar Wilde saying "_Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power_." Tony always found that to be an amazingly profound and almost beautiful observation, but for the first time in his life he was doubting it's accuracy. What kind of power would sex with Steve bring? Power over one another? No. Power as a couple? Maybe. The power of love?

"J! Play Huey Lewis and the News, _Power of Love._"

"As you wish sir."

The music was loud enough that he could get back to cleaning and planning instead of getting lost in his own thoughts.

* * *

Steve was sitting at the kitchen counter staring intently at a glass of orange juice. There was a little piece of pulp on the rim and it was bothering him. Every time he blinked he hoped that that it was gone. It wasn't.

"Morning," Bucky muttered. Steve nearly jumped out of his seat at the sound of Bucky's voice. "You're jumpy."

"No. You just startled me."

"Jumpy." Bucky reached into the refrigerator and grabbed a bunch of grapes, popping one into his mouth. "So is Tony coming over tonight? Are we all gonna watch a movie or do you want to _aloooooone_." He bit down on a grape with a satisfying _crunch_, punctuating it with a wink.

"Um, no. He's not coming over." Steve shifted awkwardly in his seat.

"Did you get into a fight."

"No, nothing like that."

"My 'Steve's an Idiot' sense are tingling. What aren't you telling me?"

Steve picked up the glass of juice and brought it to his mouth, gulping the entire thing down in two swallows. He wished he had taken smaller sips to make it last longer. "Nothing. I'm telling you everything." Bucky continued to stare at him. Steve finally broke down. "We're going back to his place tonight."

"Okay? What's the big deal about that?"

Steve felt stupid. He could have just said that straight out of the gate and he wouldn't have been lying. Steve had made a promise to himself that he wouldn't lie to Bucky ever again after the last string of lies, but it wasn't working out. "Nothing."

"Then you're still not telling me something."

"We're um…" Steve cleared his throat. "Goingtohavesex," Steve looked down at the fraying placemat he was sitting in front of. Why did they have placemats? He tried to remember if they brought them or if they were in the apartment when they moved in, but he was coming up blank. After a few moments of silence, he looked up through his lashes at Bucky.

"You mean… you two haven't already?"

"Um… no? Should we have?"

"I just figured…" Bucky trailed off. "I'm happy for you. Let me know how it goes. Well… not the actual part with that but… you, um… yeah. See you tomorrow?"

Steve looked at the clock and realized he had class in twenty minutes and had to get going. When he was done he was going to come back, get his things, and drive to the address he had memorized and doodled on the corners of his papers for the last week, all while Bucky would still be in class. "Yeah. See you tomorrow."

* * *

"Grand tour." Tony said as soon as Steve had kicked off his shoes. He had left his bag in the car and would only get it if he felt he should. There wasn't anything in there, really. Just a toothbrush and a change of clothes. Tony stood in the middle of the room. He pointed to a hallway behind him. "If you go that way there is a living room with everything and anything you could look for and then some." He pointed to another hallway. "There's the kitchen. Where we will be eating. Now, down that one," he said, not pointing, just moving his eyes, "is the bed room. But you'll see that later." Steve could have sworn Tony looked a little nervous. "And finally, my workshop." Tony grabbed Steve's hand and lead him down a hallway to the left.

Steve was sure that there was more to the penthouse than Tony had said, but he didn't feel like asking. As they walked down the hallway, there were closed doors that greatly outnumbered the rooms Tony had listed. Was it because Tony didn't want to be showoff-y about his giant house while Steve lived in such a small apartment? It was no secret that Tony lived a different life, but Steve figured that it didn't much matter.

Tony led him down a set of stairs to see a room that was an entire floor of the building, void of any walls or dividers. There was wall of glass separating the stairs and the room, and Tony typed in a number on a seemingly invisible key pad. A door clicked open and they were in.

Steve stumbled around a bit, looking at everything in the room. There was a lot to look at, after all. There were somehow vintage cars on the second highest floor of a giant complex. There was grease and burn marks and things with wheels and there was an indescribable blue glow to everything. "Is that a robot?" Steve asked.

"Yes," Tony walked up to Steve. "There are three. There's Butterfingers, You, and that one's Dum-E. He's more than earned his name. I invented him one night when I was more than a little wasted and fourteen." Tony leaned in and whispered into Steve's ear. "He's my favorite."

"Are you not going to introduce me, sir?"

"_WHAT_ the fuck was _that_?"

"JARVIS."

"What's a JARVIS?"

"Just a rather very intelligent system. He's an AI. He all but runs the house and runs my life. I don't know how I could function without him. He's… pretty cool."

"You're not so bad yourself, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you, Steve. I have heard a lot about you."

"Pleasure to meet you to?" Steve questioned, then turned to Tony. "What have you told him about me?"

"Nothing but wonderful things, I assure you," JARVIS answered for Tony.

"He sees and hears everything that goes on in this house. And, since he isn't actually human, has the capacity to remember it all. Comes around to bite me in the ass sometimes."

"Everything in the house? Even upstairs? Can he see things?"

Tony smiled. He knew what Steve was thinking. "Don't worry about it. I can turn him off in the room tonight if you want." Tony was only telling a white lie. He couldn't technically _turn off_ JARVIS, but he could mute him and make it seem like he wasn't there. He understood where Steve's paranoia came from, though. Even Tony had to remind himself sometimes that JARVIS wasn't a real person.

"Thank you." Steve wrapped his arms around Tony. Sometimes it frustrated Tony that Steve could put his chin on the top of Tony's head, but sometimes, like right now for example, he loved the way their bodies fit together. Then something caught Steve's eye. "Are those…" he let go of Tony and followed his gaze to a table with a bunch of arc reactors. "Why are there so many?"

"They're all different marks. The one I'm wearing now is the best of the line, but should anything ever happen to it, I have spares. I learned the necessity of them the hard way."

"What do you mean?"

"One of them… went _missing_ from my chest," Tony didn't feel like talking about how it had been _taken_. Steve knew not to push. Even though they were open with each other, the arc reactor was still a sensitive point for Tony. Steve never asked more than he thought necessary. "I only had one lying around, it was practically an antique, but I managed to crawl down here and get it. Now they're littered around the house, hidden and ready if I need them."

"This one looks different," Steve observed. It had a circle in the middle instead of the triangle he had come to know.

"It's really old. One of the first. Can't wear it for any period of time. I should get rid of it. It's more of a danger than it's worth, really."

"I thought they kept you alive."

"Not that one." Tony took it from Steve's hand and tucked it into the back of a drawer that was seemingly disorganized but was probably one of those things were everything had a place but only Tony knew what those places were. "Dinner?"

"Yeah."

* * *

Neither one knew what the pasta dish was called and neither bothered to ask. It was obvious that if they every tried to find it again, it wouldn't taste like this, so why bother asking only to be disappointed on a future search?

"C'mere," Tony said, sloppily picking up a piece of spaghetti in his hand. Steve leaned toward him, only to have one end stuck in his mouth. He smiled around it as Tony stuck the other end in his mouth.

"You're kidding, right?" Steve asked, careful not to let the pasta fall from his mouth.

"Nope." Tony began nibbling his way down the pasta and Steve did the same. Their lips met in the middle. What was meant to be a quick peck on the lips turned desperate. Tony's hands shot up to rest behind Steve's head, and pull Steve in closer. Steve fisted Tony's shirt. It was sloppy and impossible. Steve found himself unable to breathe and yanked away from Tony. "No, no. Come back."

"We have to finish dinner," Steve sighed. He couldn't figure out why he had said it. He really didn't care if they finished; they were almost done, anyway. Dinner wasn't why he was here, after all. If his own desperation weren't enough, the look on Tony's face pushed him over the edge. "Or, you know, you could finally show me that new bed you bought for me."

"If that's your way of saying that you're ready to finally get it on, then I agree wholeheartedly." Tony stood and reached his hand down to Steve. Steve took it and stood up next to Tony. Steve leaned down and kissed Tony quickly. "You're gonna be the death of me," Tony muttered to himself. He dragged Steve behind him as he practically sprinted to the bedroom.

The bed was huge. _Huge_. Steve couldn't imagine why anyone would need a bed that big. Five people could fit in… and have room! But then Tony was scrambling onto it, climbing until he was at the headboard before ripping his shirt off. Steve took off his own before he, too, crawled up the giant bed.

"This bed is big," He muttered as he pushed Tony back. Tony was lying on his back and Steve almost flipped them back over, but Tony assured him it was okay, saying something about a good kind of uncomfortable, whatever that meant.

"Steve, I love you a lot but I really don't have it in me do this whole foreplay, make out, slowly undress thing. I am a shamelessly horny old man and I need to sleep with you."

"You're not old," Steve assured, unbuckling his belt and kicking his pants off. He rolled off Tony long enough for Tony to do the same. They were both sitting now in nothing but their underwear. Tony had on Christmas themed boxers and Steve had on plain purple briefs. "The Grinch? It's March." Steve said, referring to Tony's underwear.

"I figured you'd find them funny." Tony shrugged.

"You're not wrong." There was long and slightly awkward silence. "Uh… you first?" It was kind of strange that they were going to be sleeping together after having never seen each other naked, but neither of them were strangers to one-night stands, so…

Tony started wiggling out of his boxers. When they were just a wadded up ball in his hand, he threw them at Steve, who wasn't quick enough to bat them away and then ended up hitting him in the face. Tony was laughing as Steve threw them to the side. Instead of getting angry, he tackled Tony so he was once again on top of him.

"That wasn't funny," he said.

"I'm sorry, truly," Tony played. He was sure Steve was just playing around. Almost.

"If you can't take this seriously, I don't want to do it." Steve moved the end of the bed and reached down to pick up his pants.

"You're kidding! I didn't mean it! I'm sorry. I will never throw my underwear at your face again. I'll never—" He was forced to stop talking when Steve tackled him a second time, slamming their lips together. He reached between them and fumbled to find Tony's dick. "That wasn't very _NICE_!" Tony screamed the last word as Steve found what he was looking for and pulled. "What the _fuck_! You're not even naked yet!" Steve didn't even get off Tony. He just wormed out of his own underwear, throwing them to the side.

"Did you really think that I was gonna leave before?"

"I… don't… can't remember." Tony was so ready. He couldn't form a sentence. When had he _ever_ been overwhelmed when it came to sex? He was _more_ than ready. "Remember when I said no foreplay. Please. Please. Can we do this please?"

"You have stuff?" Steve asked, kicked himself for nothing thinking of it before.

"Do you think I'm an idiot? Of course. Drawer in the bedside table." Steve climbed off and reached in. He pulled out a roll of condoms and a bottle of lube. So this was happening then. They were naked and Steve had in his hands the supplies and for the first time it really sunk in. "So, we never really talked about, um…"

"Who's gonna put what, where?" Tony finished.

"Yeah. That."

"Well, this is going to sound crude, but I really, _really_ want you to make me your bitch."

"Um, yeah. Okay. I can do that." Steve popped the cap on the lube, slathering the cool gel along his fingers. Tony flipped himself over to his stomach partly to give Steve easier access but mostly because he didn't like being on his back unless it was necessary. "You ready?" Steve asked.

"Mmmhmm." Tony mumbled, face smashed into the down pillow he was clutching. He had never been with a guy and he had no idea what to expect. The first finger felt alien but not unwanted. "Steve?"

"Yeah?" Steve continued to move his finger inside of Tony.

"Have you ever done this before?"

"No," Steve admitted. "But I did some research on how to, you know, do it."

Tony couldn't think of anything to say for a minute. For some reason, that made Tony's heart swell. He had looked into it as well, but here was Steve, making sure to take care of him like always. "Thank you."

"Not a problem. Is it okay if I had a second finger?"

"By all means." The second finger wasn't as welcome as the first. He knew there would be resistance, but he didn't know it would be uncomfortable. If there was more, it seemed like it might actually _hurt._ Was it too late to back out and go the other way around? But then he looked at Steve's face. He was being so careful, and the more he moved, the more comfortable Tony grew. He began to rock back onto Steve's fingers.

Steve didn't ask before adding the third finger, and Tony whimpered a bit. He pulled it back out immediately. "Sorry."

"It's fine. Just wasn't expecting it."

"I should have asked."

"Stop apologizing!"

Steve put the third finger in and continued to stretch Tony. It crossed his mind that he should probably be grossed out with what he was doing, but it was Tony and it didn't bother him at all. Tony was the first guy he had ever really liked, but he always knew that he found them attractive. Either way, he never thought he'd have his fingers up someone's ass.

Tony started squirming. "Are you okay?" Steve asked.

"You just did a thing and I liked it. Can you do it again?" Steve couldn't remember what he had done, but he figured he had found Tony's prostate. He moved his fingers around for a few moments, simultaneously stretching and searching. Evidently he hit it because all of a sudden Tony screamed "_FUCK_!" and bucked back against Steve. "Yeah. That's the thing."

Steve smirked. "I figured."

Steve continued to tease (torture) Tony for a few minutes before Tony slammed his hand on the bed. "No more of this tomfoolery. I want your dick." Steve chuckled and leaned back on his heels. He reached for the condom, but Tony managed to grab it first. He looked Steve dead in the eyes as he tore the foil package with his teeth. Steve swallowed. "Maybe there's room for a bit more tomfoolery." He started to roll the condom on and Steve's breath hitched. Tony smirked. He leaned down as if to take him in his mouth, but instead just blew. A single, steady breath, moving up and down Steve's shaft. Steve squirmed and the smirk on Tony's face grew.

"Have _you_ done this before?" Steve asked, panting.

"Nope." Tony thought about sucking Steve off, but decided against it. The condom was already on and Tony didn't want to have that latex-y taste in his mouth while he slept with Steve. Besides, there would be plenty of time for dick-sucking in the future. "Okay. That was some short lived tomfoolery, but I'm not sure how much longer I'm willing to wait."

Steve squirted the lube on his hand and slathered a copious amount on himself. Meanwhile, Tony was adjusting himself of the bed. "Aren't you gonna lay on your stomach?"

"No way," Tony said, putting a pillow under his hips. "I want to see your amazingly perfect and 100% mine face while we do this, not lay face down on a pillow."

"Won't it hurt you?"

"Don't worry about it."

"I am worried about it, Tony."

"Please. This is what I want, Steve. The good outweighs the bad here, I promise you."

"If you're sure," Steve sighed. Tony spread his legs and Steve moved up and positioned himself just outside of Tony. "You ready?" Steve asked. Tony swallowed, clearly a little nervous, but then nodded his head. Even though he was the one who had been talking about looking at Steve while they did it, Tony clenched his eyes shut as Steve entered him.

"Oh." Tony said, still not opening his eyes.

Steve chuckled a little bit. "Oh? That all you can say?"

"I can't see you, but I know you're smiling like a little bitch, so please stop."

"I thought you were the little bitch." Steve leaned down and kissed Tony on the forehead. "It's okay, love. You can open your eyes."

It was slow, but Tony finally let his eyes flutter open. "Wow."

"First 'oh' and now 'wow'. So glad I could stun you."

"No. It's not about that. You just really are… beautiful." Steve was sweating, his hair hanging in his face. There was a look of utter love on his face that Tony couldn't pin down. This was the moment when he'd call a partner hot or sexy, but never beautiful. But Steve was. Steve was truly beautiful.

"Thank you." Neither of them moved. They were both hyper aware of the fact that they were currently having sex. Steve was ready to start moving, but Tony still looked like he was uncomfortable and he didn't want to rush anything. The last thing he wanted was for Tony to be in pain.

Tony reached up and grabbed the back of Steve's neck, pulling him down and pressing their lips together. Steve had to use both of his arms to keep himself propped up and from crushing Tony, but Tony had two arms to do whatever he wanted. He simply chose to knot them in Steve's hair. The kiss was all tongues and teeth and _lust_. "G'head," Tony mumbled into Steve's mouth. "Move."

Steve experimentally pulled his hips back, then rocked back into Tony. "Did you just squeak?"

"_No_," Tony insisted.

"Whatever," Steve smiled. Tony tried to look angry, but Steve thrust into Tony again and instead of looking angry, his eyes rolled back into his head and he let out a low, instinctual moan. After that it was one thrust after another, no pauses for snarky comments. They tried to find a rhythm, but it was too new for both of them. They just did what felt right, and it was working out pretty well.

Without warning, Steve moved his arms behind Tony's back and began to pick him up. Steve rocked back so that he was sitting up with Tony in his lap. It was by no means _graceful. _It took Steve a minute to get comfortable, making it so he wasn't sitting on his own legs and cutting off circulation.

"You're a goon." Tony muttered, trailing light kisses along Steve's face.

While it was awkward getting there, it was all too wonderful when he felt Tony's heels digging into his back. Tony leaned forward and placed his cheek against Steve's shoulder, facing in. His hands were still tangled in Steve's hair. He lifted his hips, then fell back down on Steve. Steve dug long scratches into Tony's back. It burned, but Tony couldn't be bothered to care. He felt too _good_. He began to nibble at Steve's neck as he continued to ride him.

"I love you, Tony." And that's when Tony snapped. He started riding Steve harder, no longer in _love making_ mode, having moved into _fuck_ mode. It didn't lose any meaning, it was just a different kind of meaning.

Steve reached between them and grabbed Tony's dick. He began to pull at it. However, his hand was dry and it wasn't as good as it could have been, but it was enough. "Cum for me," Steve whispered.

"Okay. Just give me a sec, kay?"

Steve smiled a little bit. "Okay." Tony continued to bounce on Steve's dick for a few moments before he finally came in Steve's hand.

His whole body was shaking and he kept his forehead on Steve's shoulder. He gained the strength to lift his head and kissed Steve's jaw. "Happy?" Tony asked, out of breath.

"Yeah," Steve sighed. He expected Tony to get up, but after he rode out the orgasm, he began to ride Steve again. "You don't have to—"

"Shut up." Tony slammed his lips into Steve and kissed him. Rough. Hard. Raw. He bit Steve's tongue and drew blood. Oops, he knew how much that hurt. "Sorry." Steve some sort of noise that wasn't quite a word, but otherwise didn't comment. "Cum in me."

"Okay," Steve squeaked. He was about to snap back something about _just give me a sec_ but was too far gone. "Oh."

"Oh?"

"Wow."

"Yeah." The were both breathing hard as Tony leaned his forehead against Steve's. Their eyes were closed. "That was fun."

"It was alright," Steve joked, still out of breath.

"I _will_ slap you."

"Fine, but I'll slap you back. I'm not afraid to hit an old man."

"You're a dick."

"You're on my dick."

"Oh, right. Sorry." Tony awkwardly raised himself up off of Steve, then crumpled onto the bed, sweaty and exhausted. "I _am_ old. You wore me out." Steve flopped down next him and pulled him into his arms. He kissed the top of his head.

"It's fine. We're just lucky I didn't break your hip."

"Too far."

"Is it?"

"No." Tony pecked Steve on the lips. "Now, I don't think I've ever done this before, but can we cuddle?"

"You've never cuddled after sex?" Steve asked, pulling back to look at Tony.

"Oh I have… a few times. Not with any of—can we not talk about my past sexcapades?"

"Sexcapades?"

"Are you going cuddle me or not?"

"Of course I'll cuddle you sweetheart."

"Sweetheart?"

"Darling? Boo?"

"Kitty."

"Jesus Christ, Tony. Your post-coital bed talk is seriously lacking."

"Post-coital?"

Steve rolled his eyes. "I thought you said you were tired." He kissed Tony's forehead.

"I am tired."

"Then let's go to sleep."

"You're not going to sleep on the couch, are you?" Tony was joking, but Steve could tell that there was a sliver of genuine worry.

"Of course not."

Tony, satisfied, curled into Steve's arms.

* * *

**Author's note:  
Because you have to be able to laugh during sex. Not always, but it's fun, so whtvr.  
I really love this. I really ****_really_**** love this.  
Merry Christmas if you don't see/hear from me before then :)**


	12. Enjoy your student

"Wake up, sweetheart."

"No." Tony pulled the blanket over his head and rolled over. Steve scooted closer so that he was flush against Tony's back.

"It's Monday. You have classes."

"No."

Steve put his head under the covers as well. He started to kiss a trail across Tony's jaw. "You have to go to work."

"You have to go to school."

"Mm, nope. I don't have any classes until three."

Tony rolled over and pressed his face into Steve's chest. "We could stay here."

A shiver went down Steve's spine but he managed to push Tony away. "No. We've been here for three days. We have to get back into the world."

"Boo, you whore."

"Don't quote _Mean Girls_ at me. Get out of bed." Steve began to push Tony towards the edge of the bed. However, he still hadn't gotten used to sheer magnitude of the bed, and Tony just ended up rolling over.

"You're a jerk." Tony popped his head out and squinted his eyes. How late was it that the sun was that bright? "What time is it?"

"It's nine, but I had JARVIS make it look brighter so you'd get up faster."

"You're already ganging up on me?"

"Of course, sir."

Tony hobbled into the bathroom. He was sore. No matter how much you prep, you're always going to feel it the next day, and after three days…

The hot water of the shower was heaven against his skin. He stood there and let three days of sex sweat run off his body. He rubbed his face and kneaded his fingers through his hair and oh god it felt _so good_. He moaned.

"What are you doing in there?" Steve asked, coming in through the door.

"Sometimes showers are just _that good_, you know?"

Steve smiled. "I do know. But we fucked in that shower and you didn't even moan that loud."

Tony opened the shower door and poked his head out. The steam had built up and they hadn't been able to see each other. "First off, yes I did. Second, it just feels really good to be clean. Third, isn't Bucky going to wonder where the fuck you are?"

Steve's eyes grew. He had totally and completely 100% forgotten about his best friend. Hadn't thought of him in three days. "My God. Can I trust you to get to work without me prodding?"

"If you're not here, there's nothing to keep me from going."

"Okay then, love. I'll see you tonight."

"Tonight?"

"In class?"

"Oh right. I'm your teacher."

"Only Mondays and Wednesdays from seven to nine. The rest of the time you're my boyfriend."

"_Boyfriend._ I hate that term. We aren't boys. We're men."

"Fine. Then you're my man friend. But I have to go and you have to get to work, so bye." Steve quickly pecked Tony on the lips before leaving.

"Wait!" Tony shouted after him.

"What?"  
"Do you wanna come back here for a late dinner after class?"

"Sure." Steve walked toward the shower and pecked Tony on the lips. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

—

There was a smirk on Bucky's face when Steve walked in the door. He was lounging on the couch, but the TV wasn't on. It looked like Bucky had actually been waiting for him. "What?"

"It's Monday."

"And?"

"You left Friday."

"And?"

"I knew you were going to sleep together but Jesus Christ. Rabbits. You're rabbits."

"How do you know we did it more than once? Maybe we did it and then we watched movies and talked and…" Steve trailed off. He was fooling no one. "Thirteen."

"Thirteen? Your game's weak, bro."

"Aren't you supposed to be in class?" Steve asked, desperate to change the subject.

"Yes, but I've been waiting on this couch for you since Saturday night so that we could have this conversation."

The sad thing was, Steve knew he wasn't kidding.

—

As always, it was hard for both Tony and Steve to pay attention during class. They both alternated between staring at each other and staring at the clock. Tony was just about to call class twenty minutes early when Chris raised his hand. Tony pointed to him.

"Why do you always let us out of class early?"

"I don't _always_ let you out of class early."

"You do it rather often," Natalie offered. Both Steve and Tony turned to her to glare. She just smirked and shrugged. "Just saying."

"Well then, I won't be calling class early anymore. Sound good? I'll keep you for the full two hours. Does that please the court?" Everyone was silent. Of course they weren't upset that class was always over early. Then Loki raised his hand. "Of course you have some input, Mr. Laufyson. Please share your thoughts."

"Oh Anthony, why do you think me to be such a pain?"

"Because you are a pain.

"I was just wondering if I could speak with you after class."

Tony's eyes flicked to Steve, who gave a small nod. "Yeah, that's fine."

The act had probably gone unnoticed to everyone in the room. Just about all of them hated Loki and had tuned out. Loki, on the other hand, smiled that creepy smile that made Tony want to hide behind his desk.

Class went on for twenty more minutes. Tony assigned the homework and sent the students on their way. Steve left. Loki stayed behind. Eventually everyone filtered out of the classroom until it was just Tony and Loki.

"This better be good Laufyson. I have places to be." Tony was distractedly packing his things.

"Places with Steven, I assume."

Tony turned around. Loki had his attention now. "What do you know about it?"

"Nothing." Then, after a pause. "Until now."

Tony had on his pokerface, but inside he was screaming. He walked into the trap. Fucking Loki. "What do you plan to do with this information?"

"Oh Anthony, why do you assume I have malicious intent? Perhaps I am just here to offer my congratulations."

"What do you want from me?"

"Nothing. Enjoy your student, Anthony. I'll be seeing you Wednesday." Loki walked out of the room without a care in the world. When the door hit home, Tony turned towards the giant whiteboard behind him and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Fuck."

* * *

Tony Stark's penthouse didn't deal with things as mundane as keys. Instead, JARVIS did some kind of scan to determine if it was okay to unlock the door or not. Luckily Steve had been granted access because he was back long before Tony.

After over an hour of waiting, he pulled out his phone.

_Where are you? _He texted.

He resumed his game of Bubble Popper and continued to wait. The next time he minimized the game it was 11:30. He had gotten to the penthouse around 9:15. Steve was beginning to get worried. "Is there any way for you to locate him JARVIS?"

"As it turns out, he seems to be entering the building now."

Steve sighed. _Thank God. _He walked to the door and waited in front of it. It took a long time for Tony to finally get up the top floor, but Steve heard fumbling on the other side of the door soon enough. He couldn't figure out what exactly Tony was fumbling with. He didn't need keys, obviously. Steve opened the door and Tony stumbled in.

"Just couldn't find the knob," he slurred. "Why're you here?"

"We were going to have a late dinner, remember?"

"Oh yeah." Tony nodded, clearly not remembering. "Get out."

"What?"

"I said get out. Get out of my house."

"Tony, I—"

"Get out of my house, Steve! Out of my house and out of my life." Tony fumbled around the room, attempting to hang his coat on the hook and missing by a solid six inches. The car keys that he meant to throw on the counter ended up in the sink.

"Tony, you're drunk—"

"Yup."

"I don't understand what—"

"Here's what _I_ don't understand, _Steven_. You are an _art_ major who filled his credits when he was a sophomore. So what are you doing in my class? How did you even get into my class."

"I tested in."

"Why?"

"Because of—" _you_. The implied truth. He figured that Tony already knew. However, it could just be his drunkenness that was causing him to ask.

"Exactly. For _me._ But news flash. You're twenty three fucking years old. Do you know how old I am?"

"Um…"

"Forty. I'm forty years old, Steve. You're a smart kid. What's the difference?"

"Tony. We decided that it didn't matter."

"Just do it!"

"Seventeen years."

"Yes. Seventeen years. I graduated college the same year you were born."

"Yeah, but—"

"You're my student, Rogers. Get out of my house."

"Tony, please. Why are you saying that."

"It's the truth. It's wrong. Leave." Steve ran up to Tony and took his face in his hands, kissing him urgently. Tony started to kiss back and Steve heaved a sigh of relief. _It was all a misunderstanding. _Then there were hands on his chest and he was being pushed away. "Don't kiss me anymore."

"Tony—"

"Get out!" Tony shoved him and Steve stumbled back. Tony looked upset for a moment, then let his face return to the unreadable mask he had been wearing when he got home.

"I'll leave on one condition."

"You'll leave no matter what but I'm curious as to what this condition is."

"I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't love me."

Tony stepped forward. They were as close as they could possibly be without actually touching. Tony tilted his head back and Steve tilted his head down. Under normal circumstances, this would be the part where they kissing. Tony looked him dead in the eyes. "I don't love you. I never loved you. This was a ploy. I wanted to sleep with a student. String him along. See how far he was willing to go for me."

Steve took a deep breath and swallowed. "You didn't have to say those last few things."

"I didn't want you to leave here with any delusions that we could figure this out. Because there's nothing _to_ figure out, Steve. It's over."

"Tony, this morning you—"

"What?"

"This morning you said you loved me." Tony blinked. Even after everything Tony had just said, Steve held onto the hope that Tony would remember… something. "And… and remember how we both love pineapple pizza? Remember that first time we went to Frizelli's and you kissed me in the parking lot and then ran away? Remember watching _10 Things I Hate About You_? Remember—" Steve hated the way his voice sounded tight. There was no way to hide that he was about to burst into tears. "Remember how that was the first time that we said we loved each other? That was the first night you slept at my apartment. That big blanket that I got for Christmas that we held each other under. Do you remember that? Do you remember the first time I touched the arc reactor back at the beginning to the semester? Remember how even before all of this, we were friends? Remember how I lied to Bucky? Do you remember this weekend? Do you remember what it felt like to make love? Do you remember any of it?"

Tony swallowed. Steve could see that there was hesitation in his eyes. Then Tony blinked and that hesitation was gone. "I remember but I remember them a bit differently."

Steve grabbed Tony's biceps. "You said you loved me!" Steve shouted, shaking Tony. "How could you lie to me like that?"

"You need to leave, Steve. I gave in to your stupid condition."

"Tony," Steve whispered. A few tears escaped his eyes but he didn't wipe them away. "_Please_. I _love_ you." Steve tried to kiss Tony again, but Tony evaded his lips. Steve started crying. Full on bawling his eyes out. "Please. Please just kiss me one more time. _Please_."

"Don't beg. It isn't becoming."

"Just one more time and then I'll leave. I'll leave you alone."

Tony grabbed Steve and kissed him. Steve tried to express every emotion he had for Tony in the one kiss. He tried to push his love. Tony kissed him back. Tony kissed back like nothing had changed. Like it wasn't over. Steve still held onto the hope that when he pulled away, Tony would realize he was being foolish.

"Goodbye."

"Hope."

"What?"

"Hope. Love should end with hope. It is what gets me through the day and especially the night. The hope that after you're gone from my sight, it will not be the last time that I look upon you."

"_A Knight's Tale_, 2001. Now you really need to leave."

Steve nodded. "Okay. I love you."

And then he was gone.

"Sir?"

"_What_ JARVIS?"

"You have just made a horrible mistake."

Tony sighed. "I know."

* * *

**Author's Note:  
Oops. I'm a dick.**


	13. I have somewhere I need to be

Steve's eyes were still bloodshot when he stumbled into the apartment. He thought about collapsing on the floor and crying himself to sleep, but then Bucky came out of his room.

"You two are really something," Bucky joked. Steve stopped looking at the floor and looked up at his friend. "What did he do to you?"

"Alcohol. I need alcohol."

"_What did he do to you?_"

"Get me drunk."

"I thought alcohol wasn't the answer."

"No, but maybe I can forget the question."

"You need more than beer. C'mon, we're going to the bar. I'm buying." Bucky grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out the door.

* * *

The phone rang twice before Rhodey answered.

"I fucked up."

"_Are you drunk? Do I need to come over there?_"

"Yes I am drunk, no you don't need to come over."

"_What did you do?_"

"I may have just thrown away the best thing that ever happened to me."

"_I need more information._"

"Well, see, you're president of the school, so I don't know—"

"_What did you do?_"

"I've been seeing a student for a few months and I was… _am_ completely in love with him but then that little fucker Loki Laufyson figured it out and he was like 'enjoy your student' and I freaked out and got wasted and then told Steve that I never loved him and I only wanted to sleep with a student and some other bullshit that was total lies and then he left crying."

"_Tony back up. Student? He?_"

"_That's_ what you got out of that?"

* * *

"You need to slow down."

"No." Steve tossed back the shot and slammed it down on the table. "Do you know what he said to me?" Bucky was silent. "He said he never loved me. He just wanted to sleep with a student."

"Oh come on, you don't actually believe that, do you?"

"He looked me dead in the eye and said it." He waved the bartender over and pointed to his shot glass. "Hit me with your best shot." Steve giggled as the bartender filled the glass. He took the shot and shouted. "FIRE AWAAAAAY!"

"No one who just wants to sleep with someone cuddles them under giant blankets and watches chick flicks and goes on double dates with best friends."

"Apparently they do."

* * *

Rhodey ended up coming over. Tony was slumped on the floor leaning up against the couch. "Hey buddy."

"Jesus Christ."

"Nope. Just Tony." Rhodey helped Tony up so he was on the couch. "Thanks. I missed last time."

"Yes, I can see that."

"I'll never get him back."

"You don't know that."

"Yeah I do. I said horrible things."

"And what did he say?"

"Something about love ending with hope. From that part in _A Knight's Tale_. You know the one?"

"No. I have never seen _A Knight's Tale_."

"Uncultured swine."

* * *

"What's the last thing you said to him?" Bucky asked.

"I told him that love should end with hope. You know? From _A Knight's Tale_?"

"I've never seen _A Knight's Tale_."

"Uncultured swine."

* * *

"But if he said that love should end with hope and that he hopes this won't be the last time he sees you—"

"He said that love should _end_ with hope."

"Actually, sir. The last thing he said to you was _I love you_."

"Lies!" Tony shouted.

"I recorded it."

"Why would you record it."

"Because I knew you'd forget."

"Play it back, JARVIS," Rhodey ordered.

"_Hope. Love should end with hope. It is what gets me through the days and especially the nights. The hope that after you're gone from my sight, it will not be the last time that I look upon you._"

"A Knight's Tale, _2001. Now you really need to leave._"

"_Okay. I love you_."

"Well I'll be dipped in shit," Tony mumbled. "What's the name of that bar all the kids go to?"

"Dancos. Why?"

"I have somewhere I need to be."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Not that I didn't appreciate you all calling me a dick but... I didn't appreciate it. Just kidding, just wanted to make a Thor 2 reference, so I did.  
Anyway, this is short and sort of a filler chapter, but that's because the next chapter is going to be really long and important, I just don't know when I'll be able to finish it. Here. Have this.  
Oh, and y'all need to see ****_A Knight's Tale_**** if you haven't. I turned on the TV yesterday and it was on and I was like "woah" but I didn't watch it because I had this to do.  
Anyway, see y'all NEXT YEAR**


	14. You're the best decision I've ever made

Tony stood up from the couch and wobbled a bit. He steadied himself and started to storm towards the door. He had told Steve about his past dependence on alcohol and Steve admitted that he, too, turned to it when he was upset. Tony had a gut feeling that he would find Steve at the bar. A hand wrapped around his bicep.

"I can't let you drive. You can barely walk."

"Doesn't matter. I have to get Steve back."

"You can get him back tomorrow."

"No. Tonight. It has to be tonight."

Rhodey closed his eyes to compose himself. He had known Tony long enough to know that there was no way to reason with him. "Let me drive you."

"Fine. But we've got to hurry." The car ride was stiff and awkward. Halfway to Danco's, Tony asked, "Does this mean you approve?"

"No."

"Then why are you doing it?"

"Because you were going to go either way and I'd rather you not put yourself and everyone else on the road at risk."

"That's good enough for me."

They didn't talk the rest of the way there and as soon as Rhodey pulled into the parking lot, Tony jumped out of the car without waiting for it to stop. He ran into the bar and looked around. It was grungy and dark and the music was too loud. It was a college bar; what else could be expected? Tony looked around a bit, blinking until his eyes adjusted to the horrible lighting. Eventually he honed in on Bucky, sitting at the bar sipping a beer. He walked over to him, ignoring the looks of students trying to figure out where they knew him from.

"Tony?" Bucky asked. "What are you doing here?"

"Where is he?"

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb."

"Oh, you mean Steve? I don't know. He disappeared a while ago and I've been sitting here, watching the door to make sure he doesn't leave. What's it to you?"

"I need to talk to him."

"From what I hear of it, you've talked to him enough for one night. Why don't you just leave and figure this all out in the morning."

"No. I have to do this tonight. I have to apologize to him."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I'm in love with him."

"He said that you said that you never loved him."

"I lied, okay? Now, you still don't know where he is?"

Bucky sighed and pointed to a corner of the bar with the hand that wasn't holding his drink. Tony turned to see nothing but a wall of bodies. However, he didn't think Bucky had any reason to lie to him, so he mumbled thank you and walked in the direction of Bucky's gesture.

"Wait!" Bucky called after him.

"What?" Tony asked, coming back.

"You're not going to like what you see."

"What do you mean?"

* * *

Steve didn't know why he was kissing her. She was pretty, sure, but she wasn't interesting and he couldn't even remember if she told him her name. She kept grabbing at his chest.

_"You have boobies!" Tony said, poking Steve's chest. "Boobies! Boobies! Boobies!"_

_"Tony, stop!" Steve said, swatting Tony's hand away, a grin on his face._

_"Make me!"_

_Steve picked Tony up off the couch and carried him to the corner. "This is your time out corner. You can come out when you're ready to act like a big boy," Steve joked._

Steve tried to push the memory away but it weighed heavy on his mind. He tried to lose himself in the girl next to him. She was wearing lipgloss that was supposed to taste like strawberries but really just tasted like chemicals. Steve was brought back to his early years of college when it was girls and drinking and partying.

_"You? Partying? Nope. I don't believe you."_

_"I regret it. But hey, I was a dumb kid."_

_"You're still a dumb kid."_

_"Oh come on. How dumb can I be if I have you?"_

_"Very dumb. You are making a very bad decision by choosing to have me in your life."_

_"You are the best decision I have ever made."_

"You have a thing for brunettes, I see." Steve pulled away from the girl. He knew Tony had never said that to him before. Was he hallucinating? Had Steve's conscious become Tony's voice? Nope. There was Tony, standing next to the couch, looking down on him.

Tony had already turned to walk away when Steve pushed the girl off of him. "Shit," he whispered. He grabbed Tony's arm. As soon as Tony turned around all Steve could think was _Abort mission!_ The look of hurt on Tony's face broke his heart. "Why are you here?" was all he managed to say.

"Well I came to apologize, but I see that you're otherwise occupied, so please, don't let me get in your way."

"Don't do that."

"Don't do _that_, Steve. Don't turn this around and make it my fault. What were you going to say? I hurt you first? Yeah, I did. And I felt horrible for every word I said to you tonight. I didn't mean any of it and I hauled ass down here as soon as I could so I could try to fix it, but I find you over there with wannabe Kristen Stewart—"

"Hey!" The girl shouted, coming up behind Steve. "I take offense to that."

"Sure you do sweetheart." Tony turned his attention back to Steve. "Goodbye. For real this time." Tony turned to leave but Steve grabbed him again, spun him around, and crashed their lips together. This time Tony didn't kiss back. He planted his hands on Steve's chest and pushed him away. "It's too late."

"You're _gay?_" Wannabe K-Stew screeched.

"Please, don't go—" Steve pleaded.

"We're not doing this again."

"Let's just calm down and talk about this later. We're both drunk and—"

"No, Steve. There is no later. I fucked up tonight and pushed you away. I'm sorry. I still love you. But I can't un-see what I just saw. I can't forget the fact that you tried to replace me. No matter what your reason, you still went and found someone else as soon as I was out of the picture—"

"Tony, you don't understand—"

There was a buzz throughout the crowd as they slowly began to figure out where they knew the old guy from. Neither Tony nor Steve said anything. They just looked around at everyone talking about them.

"See ya 'round, Rogers." Tony gave a two finger salute. The crowd parted in silence for Tony as he left the bar before they all turned back to look at Steve. Steve swallowed around the lump in his throat as he felt tears well up in his eyes.

He was vaguely aware of Bucky grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the bar. He heard the hatred thrown at him from the people filling the crowded bar as if his head was under water. He stumbled after his friend in a daze. He honestly didn't care if he got out or not.

* * *

There was a pain in his chest that had nothing to do with the hunk of metal buried in it. When Rhodey dropped him off, he didn't bother to try and make it to his bed or the workshop. He fell on the floor and cried himself to sleep. Good things were not supposed to happen to Tony Stark. He had said that to Steve in the beginning.

_Tony sighed. "This is too easy," he repeated. "Good things don't happen to me."_

_Tony was pissing Steve off. "If you're going to do this whole self deprecating thing then I don't want to deal with it. I have liked you for a long, long time. You're engaging and interesting. There's something about you that's… electric. But if you're going to pity party your way through this relationship, then I don't know if I want to be a part of that."_

_Tony was kissing Steve again, but this time it was hungry. Desperate. Tony needed Steve. Steve tried to put every ounce of emotion into the kiss as he could, showing Tony how much he needed him, as well._

_"I'll stop being a dick, okay? I promise."_

He hadn't upheld his end of the deal. He had been a dick. He had pushed Steve away, just like he knew he would. He had pushed him away because he was Tony and he didn't think he deserved anything. He didn't deserve Steve, but that didn't mean that he didn't need him. He was so desperately in love with Steve he couldn't even handle it, and now Steve was gone.

Tony woke up to the sound of JARVIS letting him know he had work. He stumbled into his 9am class hungover and emotionally drained. The incident at the bar had happened around two in the morning. When he got up in front of the class and looked out at the students, he could see in their faces that every single one of them knew. They all knew that he had been slept with a student. That he had broken up with a student. That he had been in love with a student.

His entire being ached to let that first class go early and then cancel the rest of his classes for the day, but he fought it. If he was working, teaching these students despite the looks they were giving him, then he didn't have time to think about everything he had lost.

However, the distraction of school couldn't last forever and soon enough he was dismissing his last class of the day. He left his things in his office and dragged himself home. He hated his house. He hated the way it looked without Steve in it. He hated how everything he looked at, he saw it like he saw it when Steve was there. That stupid decorative vase? Steve had been looking at it when Tony came up to him and hugged him from behind. The lab? Steve loved the lab. Steve had been in the apartment exactly twice. The first was a three day snuggle/fuck fest and the second consisted of a screaming match. How could Tony have so many vivid memories from just that?

"JARVIS, do I have any messages?"

"You have two, sir."

Tony's heart leapt. Maybe Steve had called him. Maybe they could work this all out. "Play 'em."

"_Hey Tony, it's Rhodey. I just want to let you know that I have to save my own ass here. I'm going to say things that aren't true to people that matter to try and save both of our jobs._" Well, wasn't that a dandy greeting. The next message was worse. "_Professor Stark, this is president James Rhodes. I am calling to address the issue of you engaging in an elicit relationship with one of your students. Please contact my office at your nearest convenience so as to set up a meeting with myself and the Board of Directors_."

"Delete 'em both, J."

"Would you like me to respond and schedule the meeting."

"Whatever, I don't care."

* * *

He should have cared because now he was standing in a room full of people that had power over him in the worst way, wearing a suit he hadn't laid eyes on in years, awaiting his final judgment. "Mr. Stark."

"Yes, dear?"

"Charming. We've decided to continue your employment at this university."

"You've _decided_, or rather _realized_, that this school gets half of it's funding from me. You think you're doing me a favor right now? I know the rules and I know that I can't get fired for seeing a student. They only reason I'm here is because you scared my best friend into trying to scare me."

"President Rhodes is your employer, not your friend."

"I'm the one who talked him into taking this job. We go back way before either of us ended up here. I have pull over all of you and you know it. Can we be done here? I have a class I have to get to in an hour and I'd rather not be wearing this." The class with Steve. The class with Loki. The class that started and ended his life.

"Mr. Stark. We are aware that you are of great financial importance—"

"And I'm aware that you're all a bunch of ass clowns." He left the room with his head held high, trying to ignore the face that his life was literally unravelling as he walked.

"You never change, Anthony."

"You are the last person on this planet that I want to see right now, Hammer. Why are even fucking here?"

"Oh Anthony—"

"You're the one that taught him that, aren't you?" he rolled his eyes, hating that he hadn't seen it before. "You and that scheming punk have been out to get me since you both got here." Tony couldn't handle his anger anymore. He pushed Hammer against the wall, pressing his arm against his throat. "Well you've won now, right? You have finally bested me. How did you do it? You took everything away from me," he hissed, his face inches from Hammer's. Spit flew from his mouth as he spoke and he took joy in the way Hammer's face contorted with disgust. "You win, Justin Hammer." Tony let him go. Hammer grabbed his throat and gasped over-dramatically. When he realized that there was no one else in the room, he stood up straighter. Tony didn't see because he was too busy storming back into the room.

"I quit."

"Mr. Stark—"

"Don't worry, the money won't stop."

* * *

Steve was drumming his pencil against his desk. He was going to drop the class, he really was, but he wanted to see Tony one more time. He wanted to see that little snap-clap thing he didn't when he was thinking. The way he gestured as he encouraged a student on. One more two hour session to carry him through the rest of his life. Instead of the usual chatter around him, he felt nineteen pairs of eyes on him. He was eternally grateful for choosing a small college. He wouldn't be able to handle hundreds of eyes on him. Or maybe it wouldn't be a big deal in a big college? But it wouldn't have happened at any other college because no other college had Tony Stark as a professor. They weren't talking about plans, or the homework, or how much the hated so-and-so. They were all talking about him.

He could get up and leave but he couldn't get up and leave.

His life sucked.

The minute hand continued to move as it became farther from seven and closer to seven thirty. School policy was you had to wait twenty minutes, and if the prof didn't show up by that time, the class was considered canceled. At seven eighteen a person he vaguely recognized as one of the school's board members came into the classroom.

"Mr. Stark is no longer a professor at this college." A buzz went through the class as they all looked at each other. "Seeing as this is an upperclassmen course and _most_ of you need this credit to graduate," he glared at Steve. Unlike when Tony used to glance at him, this exchange was missed by no one. "Professor Hammer has generously offered to open another class at this same time so that you can continue to fill the credit."

Justin Hammer walked into the classroom and Steve Rogers walked out.

* * *

**Author's Note:  
One more to go...  
I urge you all to follow me on tumblr for updates on how the writing process is going and such. tony-starks-nipples.**


	15. Mistakes can be forgiven

Tony spent April in a self destructive rage. He didn't talk to anyone aside from JARVIS. He didn't go outside except to get food and that was only once because he had a craving for an apple and didn't have any in the house. He burned the bed and carpet, then bought a new one. He hid in the workshop while the workers installed it. He didn't shower nearly as many times as he should have.

He built things that blew up and set them off. He was covered in cuts and bruises and ignored JARVIS telling him to go to the hospital. He didn't sleep for days on end. He forgot to eat. He drank and drank. He screamed a lot.

He didn't cry once.

He probably would have continued on until he killed himself if the letter hadn't come in the mail. The return address was a Mr. James Barnes.

_Bucky_.

He tore open the envelope to find an invitation to commencement. Tony hadn't missed one in the fifteen years he had been teaching at the school. Faculty was urged to attend but not required. This year he wasn't faculty and if he showed up without an invitation he would probably be asked to leave the premises. Did Bucky know that? Was that why he sent him the invitation?

Tony's first reaction was to burn it. It would be highly inappropriate to show up to Steve's graduation. But the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to go. Even if things had ended less than pleasantly between he and Steve, he still wanted to see him graduate. He was still in love with him and he was pretty sure he always would be.

"_I don't think I'm ready for life after college." Steve pulled at the fraying ends of his shirt sleeve._

_"What are you—why?"_

_"Because I don't have any money. I'll have an art degree which won't get me a job… it's what I wanted to do and it's still what I want to do, but—"_

_"Shh," Tony kissed him to stop his protest. "No buts. No money? Stay with me."_

_"It's not just about the money. There are plenty of artists out there who are talented _and_ have money but they don't make it._

_"You'll make it, I promise. Know how I know?"_

_"How?"_

_"Because you have something none of those other artists have."_

_"What's that?"_

_"Me."_

He threw the invitation on the desk to search for a drink—as he always did when those pesky little memories showed up—and almost missed the small piece of paper that fell out of the envelope. He bent down to pick it up.

_Mistakes can be forgiven, regret is forever._

Well fuck.

—

"Why are you so quiet?" Steve asked, straightening his tie. He was about to graduate college. He had never been more terrified in his life. He remembered telling Tony he was scared for the future, if he even had a future, and Tony assured him he would because he would always have Tony with him.

Well then.

He and Bucky were getting ready together. Steve's parents were dead and Bucky wasn't close to his family. They had no one but each other to share this moment. It was enough, but Steve couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that it would be better if there were someone, and by someone he meant Tony, sitting in the audience to cheer for him.

"No reason. I'm just thinking."

"About what?"

"What does this mean for us?"

"What do you mean?"

"We've been together four years. We had a rocky time a few months ago, but we worked through it. Now we're going to be entering the Real World."

"Don't be a sap."

"Well… it's kind of the end of a era."

"Maybe it's the start of a new one."

The school had given Bucky four invitations and he only sent out one. He sent it on the blind hope that he could once again make his best friend happy, even if it meant giving him to someone else. "I hope so," he sighed.

—

Tony buttoned the last of the buttons on his jacket and clasped the watch on his wrist. He put gel on his hands and ran them through his hair, getting it to stick up just so.

"So, Steve… I realize that I was a giant dick…"

"I'm sorry…"

"I'm still madly in love with you…"

"Please don't walk away, just hear me out…"

He groaned. Nothing sounded right. He wanted this to be spectacular and magical. He wanted to sweep Steve off his feet. He knew that no matter what he planned it would all change when he saw Steve. He just figured it would be a good idea to have a starting point.

"Sir."

"JARVIS?"

"You're going to be late."

"But what am I going to say to him?"

"You'll figure it out."

—

Steve fought the urge to reach into this pocket and play with his phone. The ceremony was _long_ and they hadn't even started handing out diplomas. He searched Bucky out on the bleachers but _Barnes _and _Rogers_ were too far apart. Steve caught a quick glimpse of him and he seemed to be scanning the audience. Steve had no clue who Bucky could be looking for. He slumped back in his seat and racked his brain for who it could be. At least it was a distraction from the droning speeches he was forced to listen to.

—

Tony could see Steve. In fact, he couldn't see anyone else _but_ Steve. He looked fidgety, much like Tony felt. The only difference was that Tony was used to putting up with long, droning speeches, having had years of board meetings to practice. Steve was looking around at the other graduates. He followed his gaze to see that he was looking for Bucky. Bucky, as it turns out, was scanning the audience. Bucky's eyes landed on Tony and both men raised their eyebrows in acknowledgment that they had seen the other.

Tony tilted his head towards Steve. He mouthed _does he know?_ on the off chance Bucky could see him clearly. Bucky shook his head _no_. Well wasn't this a little slice of awkward.

Steve didn't know he was here? What if Steve never wanted to see him again? What if he got mad at Bucky for inviting him? The two friends had been having a rough time and Tony didn't want to be a reason for them to fight. When Tony used to spend time with them together, they seemed to have worked out most of their problems, but…

He was scanning back to R when his eyes passed L._ Laufyson_. Loki had found Tony in the crowd, as well. Tony watched as the freak mouthed _Hello Anthony_ and then make that _face_. He had to fight the urge to jump on stage and strangle him. Rationally Tony knew that what he had done was by no fault of Loki and stemmed solely from his own insecurities, but it was a hell of a lot easier to blame someone else.

Eventually they started calling names for diplomas. As the names went on, people began to stand up to cheer on _their_ graduate. Moms and dads and grandparents and aunts and uncles and family friends and by the time they got to the G's, Tony could't even see the stage. He just had to listen.

"Evan Roberts," was called through the mic. There was applause. Evan stood to get his diploma, shook hands with Rhodey, and had his tassel moved. "Steve Rogers."

Tony was out of his body when he jumped up on his chair, raising himself above the rest of the crowd. Rhodey was shaking his hand. He saw Tony before Steve did. He tried to shake his head _no_ but it was too late.

"STEVE!" Tony shouted. Steve's head shot up. Everyone turned to Tony. A part of him told him that he should be embarrassed, but didn't care. The entire crowd went quiet as they waited for what would happen.

"Tony?"

"I'm sorry!" Everyone turned to see Steve's reaction.

He did nothing.

Tony wished he had thought this through more. He couldn't run to Steve and kiss him because he was in the middle of a fucking crowd. He had just interrupted graduation and probably pissed off five hundred families. But Steve was looking at him like he used to look at him. Like he had never stopped looking at him.

Steve returned to his seat and waited until the end of the ceremony. Tony began to work his way through the crowd. People parted to let him through. They were in the Y's by the time he broke free, and there were only so many last names that ended with Z. Tony couldn't see clearly, now that he was on the ground. He was too short. "Son of a bitch," he muttered, scrambling around to find Steve in the sea of other graduates.

Rhodey was at the mic. "I now present to you the graduating class of 2014!"

Tony made it to Steve just in time to jump onto him and crash their lips together as the hats began to descend around them. Steve picked him up and Tony wrapped his legs around Steve's hips. Maybe it was highly inappropriate but hadn't it been from the start? Tony realized Steve was crying when their cheeks brushed together and felt the wetness the tears had left behind.

"Are you okay?" Tony asked.

Steve couldn't answer. He just nodded his head _yes_ with a smile on his face and resumed kissing Tony. Tony would later deny that he started crying, as well, but in that moment, he didn't care. They cried while they smiled and they smiled while they cried and they kissed and kissed and everything was perfect.

* * *

**Author's Note:  
I hope you all enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. I hope you all stick around to read my other work.  
I want to thank every single person who read, commented, and just plain talked to me about my story. I love hearing from you all. Knowing that you're there to read inspires me to write.  
I'm actually choking up a little writing this. **


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